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Monika S: I miss you Johnny... you have no idea what you meant to me.. and I never got to tell you. You taught me to love and care. I joined choir :) I was thinking about track but I can't run :P I'm listening to your music as I wite this. I wish one day I will be like you. I will never stop missing you. Love you. erika: 11/26/2006...wow...in 3 days it will be a whole year. john you are and always will be terribly missed [ahhh im beginning to cry as i write this]. you, your family, and your friends will always be in my heart. i wish you were still here, i know you wouldve done great things. rest in peace <3 Naive: Hey johnny. Yeah it's been a while, almost a year now. I'm applying for college, i can imagine what you would say, don't worry about it. You told me you wanted to take off for a while, something like that. Yeah even now, even after a year, I still don't know what to say. i've been thinking about you and yeah. i miss you. Anonymous: Heya John, Three more days huh? Think I might go for some pie again soon, cherry of course, with some coffee. I know you think the coffee makes me seem old, but this one makes me remember you, so it'll have to do. Take care, Joseph stine: happy thanksgiving johnnnnny skinner! -hug- A: I think you'd be proud of me, of how far I've come. My notebook is full of new poems, and I've even started writing some half-decent songs. I've met some amazing people and I think I actually make as much of a difference in their lives as they do in mine. I'm taking classes that interest me, and I would so much love to tell you about all the things I am learning. I've gotten hurt a couple of times, too. More than anything, I want to call you up and ask your advice and contemplate the meaning of all of this with you. I sing all the time. I love my college choir, even if it could never compare to Carlmont Chamber. John, you always made me want to sing. I want to sing for you again so much. I hope that you still listen, and I hope you're enjoying the music from wherever you are. I cried over you the other day, for the first time in a long time. It was while listening to music that always reminds me of you. I look at the calendar and realize that November 29th is coming closer and closer. It's going to be really weird, trying to honor your life and your passing among people who never knew you. I wonder along with everyone else where you'd be right now, if we'd still be close, all the things that could have happened. I know that on that day, I'm going to wish I were back in the choir room, surrounded by other people who love you too. It's going to be hard. I hope that you can be there in spirit to give me strenth. steph: hey john, i have been thinking about u a lot lately. its still hard to believe that ur truely gone. just a month before ur death two of my friends were killed by a drunk driver. so this time last year was really difficult for me. u were a great guy and im glad i got toknow u for the short time we spent together. u always knew how to make me smile. haha PE was funny. wow, i wish i could go back then and relive the memories we shared. i know ur wacthing over us and taking care of us. i miss u dearly john. and so does everyone else. xoxo Anonymous: Hey babe I really miss you right now. So much I wish I could tell you. You'd be really proud of me I think. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and I'm missing you like crazy. G: you probably don't realize this, but you saved my life john, you really did. i want you to know that, also that i love you more than i ever got to tell you. i miss you. hugs and kisses. S: I asked you for a sign. A sign to let me know that you're ok, that you're watching over us. Then the bulletin board that I have exclusively for pictures of you, articles about you, memories of you, fell off of my wall. Thanks for the sign, I got it. Adrienne: I think of you often yet college life has distracted me. Any time I think of home, I imagine you there and working at skinny sippin. I think I mainly wonder what you would have done with yourself: gone to college? stayed at home?? visited me here a million miles away?? I listened to your music and it brought back the absolute dorky and determined John that I always knew. Love you and of course, miss you beyond comprehension. kiss Anonymous: i haven't thought about you for awhile and then somehow yesterday i ended up on ur page listening to your song and it made me remember how much it hurt when you left. i started to cry and remember what a great person you were and still are. i miss you so much john and i always will. i love you. i hope ur happy now and that you know u taught me a lot. i will never forget you and i will always love you with all my heart. i wish i would have known you longer and better. i wish we could have been closer. nevertheless im glad to have known you the amazing person that you are. Ernest Liu: October 29, 2006 ~ You're lucky to have such a great friend like Brian Connor to write you such beautiful music. To write music with you. I was at PYO rehearsal the other day... I saw someone and thought it was you. Part of me felt happy, but the stronger part really made me sad. I still remember the day you parked outside my house just to hear me play piano... I've only ever played one piece for you. Every year as the days grow colder and into the end of November, I'll remember you. I have to admit... you do bring me a lot of grief. Yet you gave me that final push to remember what's really important in life, even if you don't know it. stine: love that is real, is love just because pertiful, dont u agree?? :) -hug- Lyzzie Christman: Tomorrow will make it 11 months since you've been gone. Almost a year. It's unbelievable. I haven't cried about you in a long time but I still think about you often. I've moved to a different state (I'm sure you know that) but it doesn't change the fact that there's constant reminders of you everywhere. All the time at my new school, I see this guy in the halls that's a clone of you. It's so strange because I want to stop and say hi, thinking it's you, only to realize you're gone. I wish you were here today to make your dreams come true. Even though you weren't here nearly long enough, I'm glad we had some time with you. Thank you for gracing us with your presence while you were here. Thank you for being here as long as you were. And thank you for making a difference in the world. Anonymous: I would have these random thoughts that would make me think of you. This time around it was a guy dressed in a skirt and it just reminded me of that picture of you and Brian in pink skirts. I miss you dear. I miss you playing guitar and listening to your deep bass voice. It still hurts sometimes but I'm getting better with being able to cope with it. I just listen to songs that remind me of you and have a little cry. I can't believe it's almost been a year...how time flies. Sometimes I wonder what might have been but all I can do is remember moments we shared. Sing like you think no one's listening. I love you John. Anonymous: I still burst into tears listening to your songs. people look at me with my headphones and must wonder what my problem is. i feel like i can hear you singing to me, with me, again. Anonymous: I still owe you a poem... I still can't bring myself to listen to your music... When I mention you I'm casual about it, and I quickly look to switch the subject. I'm so sorry, but it's just SO painful. cristi cousin: wow its been 10 months and i miss u more n more every day. i saw u in the halls at skool the other day with those bright blue eyes standing out and that genuine smile on your face. u were visiting a teacher or something like that. its nice to see you wave back, its also nice to hear your voice motivaiting me to run strongly while i run the mile for weight trainning with you running right next to me, it inspires me to run the best i can for you. Anonymous: I'm still soooo far from being healed... I miss you so damn much! :( I'm sad. Anonymous: Hi love, I miss you so so much, and everyday is closer to the last time I talked to you and I'm just so sorry. I can't believe how much I let you down. Much love. Anonymous: I miss you so much. P.: John, I was able to talk about you today. Without crying or tearing. Afterwards, when I got home, I was sad about this, but relieved at the same time. Not because a burden has been lifted, but because I can now move beyond the grief and truly appreciate you for everything without letting the pain hurt me all the time. Oh, John. I still get so sad at how I can never fully convey to someone who didn't know you what an amazing, beautiful person you are. I am still angry at you for denying these people the pleasure to know you, but I'm thankful that I was able to. Thank you... for everything. Anonymous: Hi again I miss you so much. Someone signed online with your screenname for a second the other day and..I know it's stupid, makes no sense but I just thought wow maybe this all didn't happen and you're just in your garage hanging out. I would do anything to be able to see you again. ok. love you. Anonymous: Hi my dear... I miss you way too much. Stop ruining the first week back at school! I can't stop thinking about where you might have ended up...the people you would have met...the classes you would have loved. I'm staying away from math and physics and computer science. I miss you. love. Mom: 9 months...and I miss you more and more each day. You still teaching me the bests lessons of my life...what a boy! I know you are at Peace and happy, and knowing that I will see you, and hug you again keeps me going. Pray for us... I love you son!! S: Right about now, I really wish you could talk back. I need you for more than listening. Anonymous: I miss you and I love you. Anonymous: -hug- i find u present at the most random moments--but its awesome :) Caroline: Hi. I had a dream about you last night. I love you and I miss you soooo much! I really didn't want to wake up, but it was nice seeing you again. Anonymous: Down up down up down up...down. I'm like a sine curve now Johnny, what should I do? anna: skinner! this is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. sorry it took so long for me to finally write. for the longest time i couldnt even think of words. the day after i worte a poem for you...i kept it to myself and havent been able to write since. for every choir event i wished you were there. i miss you so much. and it still isnt getting easier to deal with. i didnt get to see you graduate and go off to a great college and forget about all of us. all us from concert had a special bond...and moving up into chamber together...even though i was one of the youngest. it isnt the same to have that one belting bass and being able to look over at you with your chest all stuck out and big mouth hitting all the low notes and cracking me up! we were the only "atheletes" in choir for so long...even though we both ended up not doing as many sports by the end. chamber was really great this year. and the show choir set was so good. even though you did get annoyed with show choir. we worked on it so hard. i wish you could have been there with us. i love you and miss you so much. Ernest Liu: July 11, 2006 ~ Hey John. Remember that 3 day sleepover thing you wanted for Project Aqua? Yeah, we had one of those, and it was awesome. The game is kind of deviating from how we originally wanted, but I think its for the better. Oh, and I think we're making Tijon's eyes like your's, as a tribute. Rest well John. - Ernest J: Hey you, I haven't written on here yet because it's not really my thing...but I read it all the time and it makes me feel better, or worse I guess, depending on the night, so I figured maybe this would help someone else who was missing you. I miss you so much. I miss you every single day and it feels different from when I first heard what happened but not that much better. I feel like no one will ever care about me again the way you did and that no one could make me feel better about this except you. I'm so sorry that I wasn't here during the fall and that we only talked a few times. I just can't imagine what you were going through, that you wouldn't share any of it with any of the amazing people that I know you were friends with and who cared about you. I think all the time about if I haven't left, would I have been able to talk you out of this? I just don't understand one bit. I feel like you became a different person while I was gone and no one has any explanation for what happened. On most days, I just pretend that you're on vacation in Guatemala and that you'll be home pretty soon and we'll get to hang out and that works alright during the summertime. I was cleaning out my room and found a bunch of old stuff from you, letters and poems and all that stuff that was pretty crazy to look at the time when we were kids. I don't know when I'll ever be able to look back and just remember the good times because all that matters to me now is that you're still not here. I worry that I didn't let you know how much you mattered to me, because you weren't afraid to tell anyone how you felt about them, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you everything I should have about how important you were to me. I'm sorry I couldn't be home in time for the memorial and I'm sorry I left in the first place, and that I didn't make the effort you did. Anyway, there's a lot more to be said but...bottom line: I miss you very much every day. I love you so much and I'd do anything to go back and change things somehow. Love, your "left brain" stine: hey skinner so yea, i miss you dude. reading all these messages, just make you feel like you never left, u noe? and man, everything everyone wrote is so true dude--you have touched so many ppl, you have done so much in the time you were here. you are truly a beautiful person....i miss your goofy mannerism...ur funny yet smartass comments--haha, i miss your compasionate heart, your guitar playing, your face...your smirks, your hugs...i miss you dude. and again, forgive me for being such a neglectful friend...it was def my loss. -hug- Anonymous: >:-P Anonymous: Hey... we miss you. What's more, we NEED you. Where the hell are you? Damnit John. J: Hey John, I still think about you everyday... 5 months back or so my family told me that I would get over your death before I even thought about it again. I know now that this could have never even been possible. never. Like I said I think about you everyday, but, sometimes when I think about you, what happened seems so far away. But, recently I got my Ipod taken away for bad grades, the usual etc..and even though I think about you everyday, it seemed farther and farther and farther away each day I went with out it, because all of the music on this site was on it and the only way I feel I can really connect with you is through that because I know we both loved music deeply, and yours makes me feel so much better when I sad, and sometimes a little sad when I'm happy, but in a good way. then today I finally got my little Ipod nano back and I felt so happy, I layed down on my bed shut the shades and put it on shuffle full blast. And what song started out but "Beautiful, might be Beautiful" and everything that happened six or more monthes ago felt so fresh...so new that I started to cry. I remembered how everyone cryed at once at your memorial..I remembered how everyone would laugh at once at the memorial...and I just kept crying, and I couldn't stop for atleast an hour. Ive never layed in one spot for an hour before. Even though we did not know eachother as well as you may have known others, this...all of this hangs fresh before my eyes everyday...not a day goes by..not a day...I find no REAL solace when thinking about your death, other than your music. Right now I'm listening to breath control, it reminds me of so many things, it's just so perfect. Well john I love you very deeply and will always think of you, and always keep your music with me. And probably message you again in the future I know you didn't ask to be entangled with me this way so baby won't you please just teach me how to get away. Secret Azn Man: kind of wish u were here to help me about stuff. knowing that u were the problem solver for ppl i could use that now dude. some how give me the strength to accomplish what ive been wanting to do for a while. ive just been laggin for really long time making excuses not to do it. and by the way happy graduation mate. u would of loved college... very little of the high school BS that all of us go through. much love Anonymous: Wishing you had crossed that stage today. I miss you. Sarah: Dear John, I had all these big things to say to you about time and love and what I've gotten out of all of it, but I can't put it into words to save my life. It's been six months and I feel like I just got home from the Back of the World that night when you, Shayla, and I stood out there in the freezing cold for what felt like hours just talking. I miss you. I'm so glad that's one of my last memories of you because I wouldn't want it any other way. That was a wonderful night and I'm so happy that we shared that view, that night, and those giggles. You are truly wonderful and I am still in disbelief that it's been six months since you left us. I love you very much and I miss you more with each days passing. Love, Sarah A Friend: Just stopping by to remind you how much I love you. I've been saying it every day for 6 months. Guess I don't need to feel weird about saying it anymore, huh? Every day I see things that remind me of you. And of course, it's still hard every once in awhile. But I'm living again now. Life is for living, that's what you reminded me of. I wish you were here still living it with me, but I know that you'll always be here in spirit. Te quiero, John. Shayla: 6 months is a long time. A lot has happened in the past 6 months; a lot that I would have loved to share with you--good and bad. I can't believe I haven't talked to you in 6 months. I hardly went a day without talking to you. Now every day I think about what I would say to you. But I don't think I would have much to say. You know how much I love you, and can see how much we all miss you. You taught us all an invaluble lesson: there are always alternatives, and nobody is ever completely alone, no matter how lonely they feel. You brought us all closer together, and I'm sure you see that as a victory. I wish you were still here, but I know you're listening, and I know you're safe. I love you, John. Anonymous: It's hard to grasp that it's already been 6 months. You know it's true what they say no matter how cliched...time can heal wounds. I'm not fully healed yet but I'm getting there. John, I'm so glad for all of the memories I have of you. We really got to know each other better last year. I just wish we had more time. I wish you were here to celebrate graduation with us. We're almost done! I've no doubt that you'll be with us somehow. You're in all our hearts and you'll stay there forever. I miss you so much it still hurts but I'll keep loving you forever. Ag kita ta manen. Laglagipen nak lang ta dika malipatan. Anon: tomorrow will make it 6 months since any of us saw you. I think I'm finally starting to be human again. It's been too long since I've smiled but remembering you at your best is what gets me through. Even though I won't see you for a long time, I wait for the moment I can greet you in heaven... and ask what you were thinking and why you didn't lean on us in your time of need. After everything you did for everyone else, we were ready to do anything for you. Caroline: I can't believe it has been almost 6 months since you left us. It seems like just yesterday we were rough housing and joking together. I still wake up every morning with hopes of hearing you playing your guitar in the garage, and my heart breaks every time I realize its not gonna happen. I miss you baby bro. I love you. Anonymous: I miss you john. your smile used to light up my day. I miss you like crazy. Anon: Dear John, I had several crises this year where I needed someone, and I couldn't help thinking, while they were going on, how much I wished you were here to help me. Getting through them on my own were possibly the hardest things I ever did. But maybe I am a stronger person now. Maybe I'm a better person. Or am I? I still feel like a friend who failed. I love you, John. Lucía: Hijo de mi alma. Gracias por haber sido un hijo tal lindo, tan bueno y amoroso y por haber sido y seguir siendo una gran fuente de inspiración. Hoy, día de la Madre, brindamos por tí. Nos recordamos de tu forma de ser y nos reimos de tus chistes y tus "puntadas"... Me hacés muchísima falta pero la certeza y la esperanza de algún día volvernos a ver, de volver a abrazarte, escuchar tu voz, ver tu sonrisa y tus ojotes azules me ayuda a seguir adelante. Sé que estás en "Buenas Manos"...:) Te quiero con todo mi corazón. Mami Bryce Murphy: John, I don't know what took me so long to write a message here, but time is not important when compared to the memories of a truely great friend such as yourself. I knew you for several years but I didn't become friends with you until the middle of our junior year. In our senior year you would come into Langkusch's class once every few days but when you did you usually made fun of Langy and I always enjoyed laughing at you jokes. A while later we started having philosophical discussions at lunch in A3, usually about some seemingly off-the-wall topic. Every once in a while we would hang out away from school, usually at parties, and you would almost always jam on your guitar with or without Brian. I remember abnoxiously loud parties becoming mellow and somewhat quiet while you two played, until you began to play something that everyone knew. I can't recall a single memory with you in it that didn't have laughter or a good song. Everyone wishes that this hadn't happened or that they could have had a chance to say good bye. No one that knew you could ever forget you. We all miss you so much. The last thing I said to you was "I love you, John" and I meant it. meghan: i miss you so much. Anonymous: still miss you...i didn't even know you that well who would know that someone could make such an impact on someones life? i hope your okay and i think bout you every day. stine: hey skinner wut up homie? welp, just wanted to say hello :) 1.4.3 buddy!! -hug- Sarah: Hey, I miss you :) Anonymous: I saw a boy with curly dark hair like yours and I almost cried in front of everyone, I miss you so much So-and-So (aka: Nameless): Hey John. I wish that I had known you better than I did. I wish that I could hear you play your guitar again, and hear you sing. But all I can do is go to the music page and replay your songs over and over and over again, and when I can't anymore, I just start crying like I am now. I wish that you were here, and then none of this would have ever happened. But it did happen. And in a way, as horrible as it is to say, it's almost good that this happened. If you think about it, your death really brought a lot of people together. I know that I'm not at Carlmont anymore, so I don't really know if you really did bring people together, but from what I hear, you did. All the same, I wish you hadn't done it. I can't help but wonder why you did it. Why did you commit suicide, John? I'm angry at you for doing that, but I'm crying for you because you did. I nearly did the same last week (and a dozen other times before that), but I couldn't do it. I kept thinking about you, and I realized that I didn't want to make people unhappy like that. I suppose that it's silly to say that; I don't think anyone would really care if I did, anyway. I have this insane idea that if I isolate myself from the world, and from everyone I've ever known, until I am forgotten, that I can die then without having to worry about hurting anyone. But then I realize how crazy that sounds. It would take years, ages to fulfill something like that. I won't ever be truly forgotten; I know too many people for that to happen. I suppose that if I wait, and refrain from getting to know more people that eventually, in a year or two, I would be able to do that. Since I moved away, no one from Cali has really talked to me, so I guess it's a start. But then I think, "Do I really want to hurt people like that? To be the cause of someone’s tears? Am I really worth their tears?" And then I imagine what it would be like to hear my own name spoken on our school news program announcing my death. What would people’s reactions be? Would the people who never even knew me snicker, and say, "There goes another one!" Would the people I knew be grateful I died, or would they cry when they heard the news? Would my teachers just be like, "So-and-so was such a good student. It’s a shame that so-and-so died." Would they even care? In fact, would anyone care? Sometimes, I wonder, and seriously consider that, like I am now. Would my death be like yours and bring people together? Would I really want to find out? I wish I knew. I'm scared for myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to totally lose my resolve and flip out and go off and kill myself, too. I know that I might need help, but I am afraid to get it. I'm scared that someone will see beyond the façade that I have created. See behind the mask that I wear. See the real me, and know that I am not happy. I act like I am all the time; not even my best friends can tell. Even if I tell someone, they still won't believe me. I guess I'm just a good liar. If I did kill myself, would they think like I do about you, and question why I did it? What could have possibly made me kill myself? That's what I think about you John. I want to know why you did it, even though I might never find out. You always seemed so happy. I just can't fathom that you are actually gone, not even when all these months have gone by. I had a dream about you the night after I found out you were gone. Forever. In my dream you told me why you did it, why you killed yourself, but when I woke up, I couldn’t remember what you had said. Even now, I can’t recall your words. Gosh, I feel so horrible. A lot of people who have thought of suicide who knew you, or know about you, probably think, “Don’t be like John. Don’t go through with it. You don’t want to make others sad, right?” But I? No. I never think that. I always end up with the same thought. “He had more guts than me.” Isn’t that horrible? I mean, sure, sometimes I tell myself that I don’t go through with it because I don’t want to be the cause of someone’s tears, but that thought is always lingering in the back of my mind. I wonder if that makes me a horrible person, to think like that. Jeez, what am I going to do? Obviously, it seems like I have some serious issues of my own to sort out. I wonder if anyone else thinks like me… I wonder what you were thinking when you did it… What were you thinking that could make you do such a thing? What were you thinking, John? What were you thinking? I hope that from wherever you are, you can still read this, and maybe come in my dreams and give me some advice, even though I won’t remember it in the morning. I wish you were here, John. Or rather, I wish you were still alive, and that I were still at Carlmont. I miss you so much. I hope that I won’t be like you, and commit suicide, but if I do, I hope that I don’t make anyone cry. Unlike you, I’m not worth a persons tears. I’m sorry that I wrote so much. I just needed someone to talk to, and you were the only one that I could think of who wouldn’t drag me off to some counselor’s office. Who couldn’t drag me off to some counselor’s office. I’m not even putting my real name on this, because I don’t want that to happen. Not that anyone I know who would possibly read this could; I’m not at Carlmont anymore. In fact, I wonder how many people actually will read this. I just hope that no one decides to go off and kill themselves because of what I wrote. It would be idiotic to do something just because of a nameless person’s letter that wasn’t even addressed to them to begin with. Anyway, thanks for letting me take up so much space here, and thanks for (possibly) reading this John. I miss you so much, you don’t even know. Love, So-and-So (aka: Nameless) Claire: I miss you. Anonymous: It's funny how I only talked to you once or twice but you'll always be in my heart. I stopped thinking negatively and hurting myself. Whenever I get the urge I just think, be strong. I wish that you didn't have to teach me that. I see all my friends still hurting and I wish that everything would be ok. Maybe it will. Sarah Marx: Dear John, It's been months now that I've been working on a letter for you. Nothing can express what it is that I really feel, which frusterates me on several levels, so for now, this note will have to suffice because I'm still working through what has happened and what I want you to know. I wish things could have been different and that I was talking to you now, not messaging you. I wish so many things could have been different before it went dark for you. There are so many things I want to fix since we first met; things I did and said. I just wish I could fix it. I still haven't figured out what I want to say to you and I know that wishing I could "fix" everything must sound so naive, but if it meant everything would be normal again, then I'd do the fixing. You need to know that I love you very much and that I miss you each day. You were someone great, John. You always have been and you always will be. A driving force, an old soul. I love you very much and am always thinking of you. Sooner or later I'll get your letter to you, I promise. "Let the world spin madly on." Love, Sarah rachel: I need you so much to get through this john. why aren't you here for me. i'm lost. i love you still, andi wish you were here to comfort me. Anonymous: So I was watching this documentary over at the college (which I would have loved to discuss with you, by the way), and then they show the funeral of this little girl. She was killed in a random driveby in a bad neighborhood. And seeing her funeral, feeling the pain of those mourning a wonderful soul who died too young, hearing the the soulful a chappella "Amazing Grace" again, I just broke. When is it going to stop hurting this badly, John? I know I'll always miss you. I'll always love you more than I was ever able to tell you. But I still cry without feeling comfort. I'm not the only one. Please, John, help give us strength like you always did when you were alive. Help us keep our chins up, help us enjoy life. Life was rich and wonderful when you were in it. It can be that way again, but it's hard to find that place where I feel truly happy. I'm getting better, at least. And even though it still hurts like hell, I wouldn't trade knowing you for anything else. I love you, John, always and forever. hmmmm: Your rebelious mind of opinion drove you insane when you attempted overpowering it with your inteligence, which you tried basing on facts... you would have been someone... now your no one, good job buddy... Caroline: ...I love you little man.... I miss you so much. Nick: Tour wasn't the same without you man. I kept thinking... wonder how diff it would be if John were here. It would have made it complete. Some of us talked about you, and how you're gone and we miss you, and how cool you are, and popular and loved. We will always love and miss you, and you will never be forgotten. Chamber will always have a spot just for you in our hearts. No one could ever fill the void. And i'd also like to say that I'm sorry the CDs are taking so long to complete... were getting there. We promise. With lots of love, Nicholas Aaron Buford Jeremy Koss: I often sit and wonder to myself... if this hadn't have happened, would we have known each other more? Would we have gotten to be even better friends? John I dunno what to say or to do but a feeling tells me yes... and little by little as I learn to play one of your songs and I get better I can't help but look down and see your picture taped onto my guitar. Happy *really late* birthday John. stine: so ive bin thinking of u lately--nice thoughts. im not so much sad..more happy to be thinking of u, haha, yea. i miss you like no other dude. and welp, im havin a poopy day today--dun reali noe y, so i decided to write to you. not to vent or complain, but to talk to u...i wonder wut u are up to? yea, i want to talk to u...sumhow...will you speak to me thru my thots? dreams? can we have a dream date--where we just cheel and catch up?? -hug- Friend in Need: John, I miss you so much, and I need you more than ever now. I'm in trouble and I don't know what to do. I know if you were here, you'd stand up and fight the good fight with me. You'd know it was wrong, and you'd stand up for what's just. Please give me guidance, give me the support you know I would have given you. Watch over us as we go to face whatever it is we must face. I love you always. Team Cheskin: We are walking in memory of John and in support of Lucia and her family. Please support our efforts by walking or donating time or money. Thank you! Team Cheskin Click here for more informationYour Musical Friends: Tour was amazing, wish you could have been there. Chamber won Gold 4th. Hope you were watching, I'm sure you'll be proud of us. Keep cheering us on, John. We love you so much. I'm still singing for you. Ube': waddup dude? It's seems so long ago yet not... u kno i wonder time to time where u are and if ur happy where u are. ive been thinkn ever since, why this happened. was it for some devine reason that we could not control? i have theories, ive talkd to ppl about maybe why. but all we can do is speculate. i spend long periods of time just speculting, connecting global events that might have given u a reason. if only there were some way u could tell us to give us some closure. but at times i dont want closure b/c im afraid that i mite totally forget u. closure gives the lock on the still open door in my mind and sometimes i dont want that yet i do. i kno this is kind of wierd but i dont keep a diary so this is the only outlet i really have. but dude i miss ur crazy hair and will always wish just one more time u would come back so i can say goodbye to ur face b/c ill never let myself let go of the fact that i never saw u leave the week b4 when we were hangn. some how let me kno ur cool and where ur chillin so i can come visit when its my time. much love sexy beast track runner: hey it was nice talking to u in my dream last night! i was able to tell u so much, anyways track is going well...i miss u Twin V: Its me again....sent the other message befor i could say...i will love you always and forever...you will be foreever missed. you will always be in my heart...and you know the saying you never really miss something until its gone...well the day you left us all, that just opened our eyes to see how you really are a wonderful person and john if you ever thought you had no one that cared about you well you ARE wrong The whole school was practically in tears, the students who didnt know you wished taht they did from all the great things you have done...All i say is MAY GOD BLESS you and i know you are in a better place. xoxoxoxo and will always be thinking of you; you sexy blue eyed dark haired guatamalan!!!! Veronique Rouhana: What not to say about John....he was and will always be a great person. i met him in late 6th grade (he was an 8th grader) and he told one night we were talking on the phone and he asked me what i like about a guy and i said blue eyes but i dont like blonde hair....i have never met a hot dark hair blue eyed guy...he told me im THE SEXIEST DARK HAIR BLUE EYED GUY!!! and we in a way were boyfriend and girlfriend....and he was great to talk with. he was so calm and understanding...he was so goofy and always made a bad day into a day that was unforgetful. We shared a lot of weird but nice times, from jokes to games played, to just plain old telling our feelings out to eachother. and ofcourse there was his brother who always liked to annoy me and john because we liked eachother, and john would always get upset at him because he would get "embarassed" i am not sure why but it was funny.all in all John and i Had our really fun times and then we had our times where we didnt speak, but we were always frinds because no matter what he always liked me. And then at carlmont he would always think of others and no one i have ever met has ever been so respecful, caring, UN SELFISH...he is such a great guy. Anonymous: You should have seen Brian's recital... It was awesome. Miss you so much. Love you so much. XXXX Anonymous: john everyone misses you still, we love you. come home. Anonymous: I keep hearing songs that make me think of you. More often than not, these songs make me cry. Pretty much any time I say you're name, a tear falls down my face. I haven't had a dream about you in so long. I talk to you on my way to school all the time since there's no one there to interrupt or call me crazy. Yesterday, I asked you to send a rainbow showing you were still watching over us and caring. One of the guys from my 5th period class informed us he'd seen so many that day. I don't know if that was you or just coincidence, but it made me smile. I still keep hoping this is a cruel trick. That maybe you'll jump out one day and say "HA! I got ya!" but I know that can't happen. I still have newspaper articles about you. My dad made me take your picture down since I'm going through a hard time and I don't need to be reminded of your "solution". So I moved your picture to my backpack instead. You're always on my mind and in my heart. I'm tired of being everyone's rock and now it's my turn to break down and cry. I miss you beyond words. I feel like nobody understands what I'm feeling...except maybe you. It doesn't matter though. You're gone and I need to come to terms with that I suppose. I'll listen to music, write songs, and get over this as fast as I can. I'm sure I'll write to you more before I'm completely healed. Till then, I send my love. Twin D: we used to be great friends and when highschool came, that all changed! but i know now matter what i was in yuor heart as much as you are and were in mine. i can honestly say i love you and miss you!!! i wish you were here. its been 3-4 months and people havent forgotten you!! i promise you one thing and one thing only, no matter where the others place you in the ir hearts, you will always be in mine. i also know that you are our angel looking down on us and taking care of all of us. i miss you and you are in my thoughts.. xoxo.. Christa Reichert: 3 months since then, yet i havent been able to go to sleep without having some memories of you,even though now im able to sleep peacily, without feeling awfully left behind, i still think of you and always will, at least now every night before i go to sleep i think of u as an incredible man, an incredible poet, singer, and an incredible cousin...ill always think of you. and ill always keep you in my heart.I miss y0u.(wish i could turn back time,wish i could wake up crying of having such a horrible nightmare)Thanks you for these momories:) thank y0u for everything uve taught me!ill never forget.. Caroline Skinner: Hi! I love you and I miss you! Thanks for helping me finally get to sleep last night, you're great. I wish I could hear your music in the garage every day still... but I know that you're still up there singing, (with the angels). Anonymous: I'm listening to And So it Goes right now and I miss you. I miss you so much. Makita kan tu manen. Di nak maliplipatan ta di ka malipatan. I love you. Anonymous: I had a dream about you a couple of nights ago. You said you were back. It felt so real. In the dream I thought you had passed and yet you said no, it was a lie. Crud, why can't dreams be real. I miss you. Anonymous: Johnny, Jonny...I love love you and I miss you so much... Mom Tiffani: I remember you made fun of me once because I didn't knoe all the words to Green Day's "Good Riddance". But hey, what could I do? It's funny...I still have the guitar pick that you gave me. Yeah it's broken but it's gotta be good for something right? I felt like I had been living in a box when I found out what happened long after it did. It's been said that God only takes the best,well he's got one hell of a guy up there.Do you remember when Sagi was so retarded she couldn't play bohemian rhapsody right so Brian went up there and played it? It seems like so long ago but when I think...It really wasn't. I remember us sitting in the choir room way after class had ended, but I don't know why. I remember you named your guitar Jenny, I thought it was so sweet. Call me crazy, but here is something for you: I hope you will remember me, for I will always remember you. Though you are somewhere else, we will not feel blue. For your memories are here, and the moments we shared dear... Never forget the ones you loved, And the ones that did love you. We knew you were in pain and now this is not so, From this painful tragedy all of must must grow. So, Dear John, if you can hear please listen to me, You will always be a part of us, and in our memory. Rest In Peace, Sweetheart. -Tiffani Kenyon J: hey John, sorry I didn't quite make it on here on your birthday..but well, every day is your birthday to me, because I still think about you constantly so, happy birthday :-) katy : john i wish u were here for your brithday. Just dropping by to say Happy Birthday to you John Sarah: I didn't post on your birthday, but that's not because I forgot. I love you, John. Happy Birthday. I miss you so much. Anonymous: Happy Birthday, Johnny. M, guate.: You would've turned 18, you'd be the same age I am... You never knew me, but somehow I may understand what you were feeling at that time. Uno nunca se imagina lo que un joven de esa edad siente; somos tan vulnerables. Somos tan cambiantes y aveces muy confundidos. Muchas veces, se nos hace tan complicado expresarnos, tan complicado vivir. I am so sorry. Everybody's special. Everybody deserves a second chance. You can ALWAYS make things better. You can ALWAYS make things right. And the most important thing is: "KNOW THAT THE PAIN WILL PASS", you may ALWAYS have a fresh start. John's ok now...John's asleep. Rachel: Birthdays are overrated, but happy birthday anyway. I love you guatemalan friend: you came to guatemala to monte alto school my friend and I were relly found of you I knew what had happen the same day becuase you are from my family my mother got a phone call then she told us that news that momet in didn't think I just walk to my room and stayed there for a long time I was thinking that you still there that in a few month you were coming back that you were gonig to hold me, i would tell you my stuff and you yours, but then I realize that it wasn't going to happen at all that you were gone that I wouldn't tell you my stuff that you wouldn't support me in all my trobles... johnny I miss you so much Shae: Happy Birthday, I miss you and love you. Bryan Walsh: 2/18/2006, 9:40 AM Happy birthday, John. Ernest Liu: Happy birthday John Skinner. Olivia: I miss you so much... Pao: Tu familia de Guatemala, se acordara siempre de toda tu belleza, hasta todo ojos, verdaderamente el retrato de Papito Gerardo, Alvaradito bien hecho, que habilidades, pero valla sorpresa!!! que gran cantante. David, Lucia, Caroline y Joe, la herencia de un musico, estudiante, amigo, con ese bello corazon. Que afortunados son. Los queremos. someone: I'm a peson that hardly knew you but I know thta you are a very good person and that no one could ever be in thta you are.When i told someone Christine Dewart: If I could find you now Things would get better, We could leave this town, And Run forever, Let your waves crash down on me And take me away, yeah. what was it u always called me?? "loser"??? or stiiiiiine.... while you were poking/tugging at my shirt while we did our warm-up laps during track, haha good times. yep that's where i met u johnny skinner, track junior year!!! theni realized you were in my precalc with tsuch!!! yea, i will always keep u in my heart, i mean its hard to imagine erasing u out, if u noe wut i mean. i will cherish all our girl talk, u tellin me to get laid--ewwww, all ur wonderful guitar playing...sigh...i remember telling u that my fav yellowcard song was ocean ave and u recorded urself playing it and sent it to me--i burned it onto a cd and listened to that and fading sun for like a month straight, no joke. i remember sitting at home one and then getting a call from sum1, i guess u had sum1 call me from a bonfire bc u were playing the song, haha always thinking of other ppl dude -hug- there was a point where id talk to u every flippin nite and i'd get sad if i didnt. you were an awesome friend and a great listener. you even offered my lazy bum/need to learn to drive rides home after school :) haha it makes me sad that we didnt talk as much my senior year and the fact that the last time i saw u i took for granted--at doc's wen i was cheelin with yann...u readin a newspaper, keepin to urself...u came over said hi- i gave u a hug...that was the end....i wish i couldve at least talked to u more...im sorrie...but no matter, im just thankful to have known u and had that time of closeness with u. wut always puts a smile on my face it the time u introduced urself to guzdaddy during track, ahah u went up to him confidently and told him u were guatemalan, haha u were a very bubbly fun at times over-the-top, haha i miss u skinner. noe that im praying for you.....love you miss you.....<3 hope we meet again p.s- u noe u were my fav during track...haha polo had nuttin on u dude Ariana Friedman: Well John, all my friends are posting because they're still thinking about you, and to tell you the truth, I am too. I still miss you terribly, I still wish you were here again, and I keep having flashes of memories with you in them. One of the things I loved about you, you were your own person, not belonging to any single selective group, and you made everybody feel as if they could join you too. That time after 8th grade parent night, you talked to me for a good hour when I was upset. I felt left out because everybody in Chamber already knew each other and I was a bit of an outsider. I worried about future events where everybody would have their own little groups and I would be standing alone, wondering who to talk to. You told me that I could always hang out with you, be in your group of one. Well apparently I can't now, John. You won't always be there for me when I can't find a place where I belong. But you know, even though you're not here, I feel like I finally have a firmer standing on those risers. I miss those times when our eyes would meet from across the choir room and you'd smile at me and I'd start grinning madly because you just had that effect on me, you made me feel so happy and I didn't even know why. I have friends who can relate to me, I have this urge to play more guitar, and I keep finding myself engaged in those intellectually stimulating conversations that I loved having with you. I felt like I could tell you anything, and I told you what I normally wouldn't have told anyone else. You just made me feel comfortable like that. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now. I'm not as afraid of talking to people I don't know, taking chances, and fighting for what I believe in. Life's too short to be inhibited by fear. Choir nerds, those people are amazing. I feel more at home during fourth period than ever, thanks to you. Your best friend, the one who I told you I'd never talked to, regardless of the fact that I stood next to him every day, I've talked to him, and he rocks. And the way you got to know my friends, even though you didn't have to... They all knew who you were, you left a lasting impression. This is too long already, but I just need to remind you of the heart drawn in the fog in my back window. It's still there, not quite as prominent, but definitely visible. It makes me smile, like you did. It made me smile before you died too, and I remember you smiling when I told you that your heart was still there. I hope your heart is still here, John. I certainly see it in myself every day. 'Til we meet again, oh this life is so beautiful. Lyzzie Christman: It hasn't even been two months since you left us but it feels like it's been forever. I thought I was fine and that I'd be over this. I was wrong though. I was talking with Ari earlier this week and when we started talking about you, silent tears feel down my face. I still have so much I regret not saying to you. I had this dream a week or so ago that was about you. Well...I don't know if it was "about" you. You -were- the dream. You were were wearing shorts and your formal choir shirt which made me laugh. It was just a big white room and you were in the middle relaxing as if you were hanging out with a friend. And then you started to sing. I heard the guitar and your voice. Everything else was dead silent. After the last guitar chord was strumed, I woke up as if someone had poured a bucket of water on me. I wrote the lyrics down right then and there...I want to record this and share it with the world someday because it's the only thing I have of yours. I'd like to think it's yours and I'm just a messenger. Ari says it sounds like something that you'd write...and I agree. Maybe you gave this to me and maybe my subconscious is just playing tricks on me. All I know is I miss you and I will record this song no matter what it takes. I'm still working on the music but I'll get it soon enough. This is for you John...this is for you... It’s a long, long journey, It’s a long hard ride You checked out early And waved good-bye to us To all of us We stand here and wonder, wondering why Knowing the who, the what and the where… And somehow not why We loved you so Why did you go? Why did you go away? Chorus And we’re missin’ you on, here on Earth That smile, your laugh See our tears of hurt? Why oh why did you go? Why did you go? How can we laugh, when we think about All those wasted days with you around So much we didn’t say, so much we didn’t do All these thought revolving ‘round you And why- Why did you go? Why did you go away? Chorus And we’re missin’ you here on Earth That smile, your laugh See our tear of hurt? Why oh why did you go? Why did you go? Those deep blue eyes and contagious laugh Your kind, kind heart spread love so fast What will do with out you? How do we move on with out you? Chorus We’re down here missin’ you on Earth Your Smile, your laugh See our tear of hurt? Why oh why did you go? We’re down here missin’ you go Earth Your smile, your laugh Melt away the hurt with good memories Still we sing “Why oh why did you go?” It’s a long, long journey It’s a long hard ride You checked out early And waved good bye to us To all of us. Jeremy Koss: John... much like Brian I thought that I would have gotten over this "shock". But everything still races through my head like it was yesterday. Jon telling me, dropping to my knees as I burst into tears. Sitting at the memorial on the stage wondering when you'd pop out and say "Gotcha!" I remember when I IMed you last year regarding the Super Smash Bros. tournament, that was the first time we ever talked. I kept asking question after question and you just always answered in that way that told me you were excited and happy that someone else was interested in this. You commented on my poem called "Redemption", about God and judgement, saying that I really had something and I should keep it up. We started talking about guitars, I had only just gotten mine a few months back and you commented you had been playing for a few years. "If you get first place, I'll give you guitar lessons for free." I was eliminated in the first round, and you got out in the second. I confronted you before I had to leave shaking your hand saying that's for the fun time and "You lost dude, what happened?" with a smirk on your face. You shrugged grinning replying "Next time." I still have your Smash Bros. name on my Gamecube, and it'll never get deleted. I'll never forget that night at the Wizard of Oz cast party that you randomly came to. And I'm so glad you did. We played that game for a good hour and you really have no idea how much I look back at that and smile right now. I want so much to believe that you still have that smile that I had learned to know you for. I want so much to believe that you're waiting for everyone that has posted here, and everyone that hasn't, everyone that you touched in one way or another at the gates of heaven with that same smile... Thank you for all the time we had together John, and I regret so much that we couldn't have more. -Jeremy Brian Connor: Damnit. I thought I was over you. These last two nights I dreamt about you. One of mourning. One of your return. At least you came back with the money you borrowed from me and never gave back. I love you. In every photograph, in every school project we did together, in every song we wrote, in every friend we shared, in every moment not forgotten, there are oceans of tears waiting to pour through me. I believe it will take 10 lifetimes to drain me of them. Slowly and painfully, with smiles in between. I remember thinking how we'd go off to college. We'd keep in touch, and when we'd both be back in town, call each other up and do something. Anything. Play guitar. Write some more songs. Play Smash Bros for the good times. But now I am left without a best friend. And I don't know when I'll ever want another. And it's so hard to believe you'll read all these messages. That your spirit will come visit all of us to check up. To see how much you've affected us. To see how big of a mistake you made. I don't think I've ever told you how much I needed you. All I need to know is that you're safe. And that you're thinking of me. But that, too, is hard to believe. It's hard to believe that there is something left of you. That you still think, feel, and love, even if you do not breath. Even if you can't walk. If you can't speak. Can't see. Can't touch. Can't grow your hair out. Can't play guitar. Can't hear the songs you loved. Can't sing the songs you wrote. Can't sing to those you love. I will someday know if what we hope is possible. That those who pass on are still with us. I love you too, man. - B An Old Friend: It's been over a year since I've seen you. What, a year and a half? Who knows anymore...? None of this seems real. I just can't believe it. You always used to say "Life is beautiful," with that warm, friendly smile. I don't know what made that smile change. I feel bad for not writing this earlier... I wanted to, you have to understand that. It was just too hard. We weren't friends long. I met you sophomore year- concert choir. I still remember you playing your guitar and singing the last few days until the end of the year. I remember choir tour- I still have a picture of you and Brian. I had found it right before I got the call. I love that picture. You had blinked, and your eyes are closed in it, but it's the most amazing picture. You look so calm, and proud. Strong. I can't look at it anymore. We weren't very close, but I still thought of you as my friend. I still do. I miss you. I hate that I wasn't there for you. I hate that I wasn't at Carlmont. It feels like I completely missed out on over a year of your friendship. I'm sorry. I had the hardest time listening to your songs and looking at the pictures on this site... but I'm so glad they're here for me to listen to, look at, and remember you. You'll never know how much a appreciated your friendship and life. I will always miss you, and I will always love you. ~Corinne Anonymous: i can only remember you by the way you play the gitar the way u singed but when they told me what happened a just couldn't believe it i was in shock. the next day i walked to school and i couldn't help it the tears just came all my friends asked me what had happen to me and i just couldn't say it it was too hard for me Shayla Hulgan: Dear John, We have always had mutual friends, and I would have considered you a friend for several years now, but this past summer was when we began to weave the tight-knit friendship I have now come to adore. I would tell you that I could never hang out with you for long periods of time because you exhausted me. Always wanting to analyze everything, you would want to talk about quantum mechanics over ice cream. Once school started, you became one of the most important and valuable people in my life. Starting college, I had some difficult moments. You were with me through all of them. I can’t say that you solved all of my problems, and in fact, you contributed to some of them, but you were with me regardless. Since school started, we only went 4 nights without talking. Even if just for a moment for me to say “Going to a party tonight, John, aren’t you proud?” And your response of “Go crazy, girl.” However, our usual conversation lasted several hours. It is safe to say you are the one who knew me best during those three months. You listened as I described what was darkening my days. I did not know a thing about darkness until you showed us all how dark our lives could be. I can hardly look at my computer at night. It is still hard to stop the urge to go online to talk to you, or call you up and tell you about my latest adventure or blunder. I see you sitting on my couch, teaching my Dad guitar. I hear you standing outside my window, serenading me. I feel you everywhere. I miss you, John. I have thought a lot about what would have happened if I had answered the phone that horrible morning when you called. If you had told me your plan, what would I have said? In the moment, who knows what I would have done. But if I were given that opportunity now, I know exactly what I would say. When I left for school, you wrote me a letter which you called “The Send-Off.” I would read you that letter, John. On part seems especially poignant. You wrote: “Remember this one thing, and think of how much you owe the universe. Think of all the ancestors you’ve had, from the first single-celled organism ever up until now. Think of all the creatures that evolved from that, and how if one specific line is traced, it can be followed all the way up to your being, after millions and millions of years. Think about your ancestors, all of them: your parents, their parents, their parents, all the way through time. Think about their passions, about how much the accomplished, about everything they did in order to make sure that your existence happened, that your life was a success. Think of all the things they gave you… everything. You damn well owe it to them all to live life to the fullest and make the best of everything you have. And hell, you could even pay it all forward and spread the genes through one more generation. Remember that, Shayla. If you took all your ancestors and put them in the same room, you’d be at the front of the line, the top of the hierarchy, the head of the table. They’ve given you everything they could, all they could teach to you, feed you, shelter you, raise you; through millions and millions of years. Not one of them ever strayed from this task, not one ever died before giving his part, not one ever forgot his meaning of life.” John, you have given us so much, I only wish you could have stayed longer. I hope you have found your meaning of life, and I am confident that you have. I love you, but you already knew that. I miss you, but I’m sure you can see that. Thinking of you always, Shayla John Lewis: I never knew John, but I have friends who did. I wish the best for his family, and may he rest in peace. Garett Thomas: Stunned and speechless were my reactions when I learned during my most recent college semester that a student from Carlmont had ended his life. However, it was not until visiting this site that I got to view a picture of exactly which student it was. Now, I feel even more overwhelmed in that I recognize John during my high school years, perhaps even interacting during the lunch hour in Ms. Wallace's classroom. In fact, I believe he was in my Computer Science class with Mr. Clark, too, so it was more than mere lunch memories... From what I remember of John, I always saw a young, energetic and charismatic figure, always affixed with a giant smile on his face. When I first moved to San Carlos in the second grade, John's sister Caroline was one of my first two friends, not knowing anyone prior. I know that happiness and amicable love can be spread through your family, your grin itself brightening a room, and I wish your family all the best. Katie Alvarado: It's only been about a month and it's hard to believe. I know that we all still think of you daily and I won't ever forget you, just like I won't forget Tim. I wish I knew you better, but I know you've helped me sort out a lot of problems in my life. I wish you were still with us. You touched so many people without knowing it. I can't say much without blabbering, and everything I say sounds stereotypical, but it's so true that we won't forget you <3 Claire: As much as I've tried to convince myself that something positive has come out of this, I can't. I guess eventually I will become numb to seeing your pictures, listening to your songs, hearing your voice, hearing songs that remind me of you, seeing the bridge, and anything else that reminds me of you, and not cry every time I do. But I don't see that in the future, I don't know how long that will take. A month seems like a long time, but I haven't been able to heal at all. I'm still filled with pain. I'm still full of questions even though I tell myself not to be. I still think of you and cry. I keep looking for answers, but I know none can be found. All I can do is remember you. Remember the good times we had, most of which come from last year in Ms. Langkusch's class. Remember your intensity with which you took to all things you did without fail. Remember your craziness, your intelligence, your laziness - represented by the fact that you were fluent in Spanish yet still had a D in the class. Your talents, which spread across the map – from writing to singing to cracking jokes to making fun of people to making me smile everyday I came in contact with you, with no exceptions. Your dreams, your visions, your ideas, your goals. All we can do is remember you, John. I will always remember you. I love you. Thank you, you've left an unmistakable mark on my heart, my life. I thank you for all that you have shown me, through your life and through your death. You were amazing, you are amazing. I love you. Always. Left in the blues: I know it's been awhile since John died. I thought I was okay at first. The first few days after his death were obviously bad. But then they got better. And now, a whole month has gone by. All the feelings and questions I had during the first couple of days are all coming back to me. I'm more confused as ever. I really do wish that John can just come back and everthing will for sure be back to normal. Bryan Walsh: 12/29/2005, 10:03 PM Dear John, I can't believe that a month without you is already behind me. A few weeks ago I promised you a letter, and although thoughts of what I've wanted to say have been present this whole time, writing them down has always seemed too painful. To be honest, it still does, but I think that I've avoided this long enough. The pain that your passing has caused me is unlike anything that I have ever felt before. The troubles of my past seem like some of the best times of my life by comparison. My heart breaks repeatedly and each time the wound seems deeper than the last. It breaks for each and every one of your friends, who I know are all experiencing the same pain that I am. It breaks for your family, who just spent their first Christmas without you. It especially breaks for your little brother, who no longer has you to look up to. But, most of all, it breaks for you. I've been trying to believe that this all has to do with you thinking that you were achieving something that was worth more than your life. But as much as I try to believe that this had little to do with sadness or depression, my darkest and most tear-filled moments always leave me wondering if you were experiencing similar moments towards the end of your life. Moments that no one knew about. The complications afflicted upon my heart and mind from talking to you less than thirty minutes before you died are something that I believe has left an everlasting stain. I will never be free from the thought that I could have done more. What if I had kept you on the phone a bit longer? Would you have said something? What if I had inquired as to your whereabouts? Or what you were up to? Or why you weren't in school at 10 AM on a Tuesday? Would you have told me? My most significant heartbreak of all will always be my failure to come through for you when you needed it most, and for that I am deeply and eternally sorry. When the tears dry and it seems as though shedding another is all but impossible, I start to think about the good that you caused, and the good that you left us with: The examples from the stories told at your memorial. Your music. Your wild theories and brilliant ideas. Your vision. As I consider all of this, my heart breaks one last time for the entire world as I realize what an incredible person it's going to miss out on. But, from this particular heartbreak, I believe there will come a great amount of good. The fact that you aren't here to display yourself to the world has inspired me to become everything that I know you would have. And I'm not the only one. Everyone's top priority at the moment seems to be carrying out everything that you have left unfinished, from Lyric Sages, to Project Aqua, to promoting your music, to explaining the universe. I'm going to make you a promise, one I'm sure I won't be alone in fulfilling: Your music will be heard. Your ideas will come to fruition. Your vision will be realized. The world will know John Skinner. It will know who he was. It will know what he stood for. It will understand his passion. You are loved. You are missed. -Bryan Walsh P.S. Some time during the editing process, I scrapped an entire paragraph that just wouldn't fit no matter where I tried to put it. I realized that it belonged in a different piece of writing, which means that you have another letter coming, and I'll try to be more timely about it than I was this time. Oh, and sorry for all the sentence fragments and dangling prepositions. Please don't hate me. Megan Lind: Johnny, I love you so much. You took amazing care of me and somehow I feel that I have failed in taking care of you. You comforted me after heartbreak and you gave me a rose one valentines becuase you wanted me to feel loved. You took me out for pizza and ice cream when I needed a break from homework. We went to the movies. We talked online and we ran on xc and track. We sang a red hot chilli peppers song at joels party and then we swore that we were gonna start a band. Then you always sent me your songs online. You were so adorable (and my mom always wanted me to date you because she knew you would never do anything to hurt me...she would always say, "John's the type of boy to marry because he's so sweet and he's so smart...he's going to be so successful."). You were amazing in always showing and exhibiting your love and taking care of others...this is what I have learned from you. I try to love people like you did, but I feel that I will never love as much and as many people as you did.... You will always be in my heart and I love you. Allie Maness: John Skinner is one of the only people I've ever met who took me seriously. ..........: I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW JOHN BUT AS I READ AND HEARD IS THAT HE WAS A WELL KNOWN GUY AND A BRIGTH STAR HE WAS VERY TALENTED I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOOSE SOME ONE I TOO LOST A FRIEND ROBERTO CHAVEZ ON AUGUST 29, 2005 R.I.P HE GRADUATED LAST YEAR AND IT WAS SHOCKING TO HEAR THAT HE HAD DIED AS WELL AS JOHN IT WAS SHOCKING TO HEAR WHAT HAPPEN I PRAY FOR BOTH FAMILY'S AND TO JOHN'S FRIEND DONT LEAVE A BAD MEMORY IN YOUR MIND JUST SMILE ON THATS WHAT HE WILL WANT YOU TO DO REST IN PEACE JOHN SKINNER JUST ME: Type your thoughts here. HTML code has been allowed (since we trust no one will abuse it). Please refrain from posting images here. If you have more thoughts to add, you may post more than once. Only press the post button once, then wait. jose jesus avalos (class of 04'): man i can't belive that u r gone. my brother told me a student jumped off the golden gate bridge and told me that name but i didn't remember your last name so i didn't think much of it. i was going through my yearbook a couple of weeks later and i came across your picture and i yelled at my brother to come over and tell me the name of the student and said it was you, at that moment i remembered all the times i saw u in the hallway saying "freshman" and u just smiling and i would also ask u when where u going to get into the boxing ring with me and u would just laugh and not say anything.. you will be missed RIP John Skinner Sarah Lerner: I can't believe it's been almost a month. I still can't fully grasp that he is gone. My memories of him are so recent and vivid. Everybody talks about his intensity. I think that is what drew me to him and scared me a little about him. Everytime he talked to me, he would really look into my eyes and looked into my soul with those beautiful blue eyes of his. I grew somewhat close to him in 10th grade, but it kinda faded last year even though we shared English together. I said hi to him everyday before 6th period this year, but that was extent of our contact. I wish I didn't subconsciously dismiss him. I really regret that. I miss him and I wish he were still here so I could reconnect with him. Even though I am moving forward with daily life, I think about him every night before I go to bed. John- You will forever be in my heart. I love you, buddy. Allie MacKay: Hey John, I've been kind of avoiding this site, I guess...I knew it would make me sad, and now that I'm here reading everything, yep, I'm tearing up. I saw how hard it's been for Tim, and I'm just wishing I'd known you better, like I'd have more of a right to be there for him, more of a right to be crying. Sorry this is all so scattered... A bunch of us are going to the bridge tomorrow, we're going to record some of your songs and such...I've got some stuff I'm going to leave there for you. I remember the first time I met you, at an Aqua meeting, you had this crayon drawing of a castle, and we were all joking you should do all the graphics. Reminded me of my art. Recently Tim's been listening to a lot of your music, I didn't think too much of it before, but now that you're gone I keep thinking that I want to ask you, what was going through your head when you wrote this? Were you as sad as it sounds like, and why didn't anybody know? I wish I'd known you better, I wish I could have helped. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I don't know what you were going through but I wish I could've found that damn magic wand and made it better for you. I keep expecting you'll be back, that I'll come home and you'll be voice chatting with Tim and you'll all be yelling about something not even related to what you're supposed to be doing. It never really sinks in for me when people are gone. I hope you got to meet Lyra, she'd make things a lot more interesting for you there. I miss you...see you eventually. ~Allie : Merry Christmas John. Nichole Branch: John, I remember Sophmore year when we used to be good friends. I remember when you played your guitar in Choir for finals and I asked you for a guitar pick. Then everyone started asking for one to. But I was the only one that recieved one from you. I felt so special. When I found out what happend I cryed. I have never expierienced this. All I could say to my self was why couldnt I have been there to stop him. But I wasnt and I cant beat myself up. I only have one question. What caused you to jump John. You seemed so happy all the time. Well I miss you and hope and know that you are in heaven watching over all of us. Please know that we all love you and care for you!! I still have that guitar pick u gave me. Skinner Family: To whom it may concern: The love you've shown for John is touching. He was someone with a special light that touched MANY lives. I love all the respect and admiration you have shown. Yet I feel the need to make ONE thing clear, especially to those of you who looked up to John, and are feeling confused by this final desicion of his: SUICIDE is NEVER the best way out. There's ALWAYS something or someone that can help you out of whatever hole you might feel like you're in; the key is communication. Let someone know how you're feeling! John had a big heart; I'm sure if he would have been able to see, before hand, all the damage he was going to do, to friends and family, would not have made the desicion he made. I'm certain John was not thinking clearly when he took his life. We all have irrational moments, and we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, his is not one which he can now fix. So please, if this is EVEN a thought of yours, talk to SOMEONE, anyone. My family's heart is broken, and although we will mend, there will forever more be a missing piece. I wouldn't wish this upon ANYONE... Anonymous: I hardly pray, but I think about you just about every day. You have done wonderful things on this earth John Skinner. Often thoughout the day I catch myself singing your songs...It really is strange how much I think about you. Look over the family John. Help them to accept rather than seek answers. I know everything will be fine. Everyone will be okay. I have always admired the strength of your family; an indestructible foundation. When I would call the home phone or go over to visit I really got a kick out of bugging you for a minute or two just simply because you were Caroline's little brother....Strange that I won't hear the blaring music from behind the garage door anymore even though it has been quite a while since I've heard it...it's amazing that you taught yourself. And now after listening to your finished pieces, I can now honestly say, beautiful work, since I never got to really listen and tell you in person. You were so many things that others wish they were. You have no idea....well....maybe you do now. Just a kid: This has been a real shock to me. I don't understand any of it. I looked up to John a lot. Whenever I had a problem, I turned to him. But now, he's killed himself to get away from his troubles. Is it okay to do that? I'm really confused. Is suicide really the answer to our problems? Why do people do it? Ilaise Ma'ufualu: Umm...I'm sorry about my first thing. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. But now I know. So anyways to John Skinner I have much respect for you. I just thought that I would come through and show you some respect. Though you are up above watching down on your loved ones, of course they know that you are in a better place. I don't even know but again I just wanted to show you some respect. Well rest in peace. We miss you. Katy Stewart: Hey John i really miss u I really miss singing with you and you where a really good guy to hang out with you made me so happy when I saw you at school u always smiled. You always made me laugh and I really miss that I just can't belive your gone John. I love you John From Katy Joseph Della Malva: John, I never really knew you as a person. Briefly I knew you as a poet; incidentally as a musician; comically as a chauffeur; but never as a person. I can only say now that at the sum of my brief experiences with you I'm left in confusion. Something about the world weariness in you was so beat, it was so Kerouac and I fell into a deep romance with ideas about taking down the ambition in you and turning it into a perverse kind of poet's will. But I didn't - you and I disagreed, heavily, on what it meant to be a poet, but somehow I think, I was the one who got it wrong. Ultimately it's difficult for me to grieve in such a strange situation, but, knowing me and knowing you, maybe that will all work out. In many ways I feel we are the same kind of personality, the same kind of spirit. I can admit that I've thought about making the same kind of decision you did - but seeing what has been left in the wake of this has steeled me against following you down that road not taken - if only to fight, hopelessly, obstinately, for a principle you and I seemed to share that one night I gave to a poem's form. To friends and family: you knew him far better than I, and for that are bestowed a gift the whole world should have come to know. Thank you for the opportunity to say my good-byes. -Joseph Unsaid : I am sorry that I didn't help you. I know there was never a chance. but anything. ANYTHING. i could have done to have made any difference with this situation. I would have done it in a minute. JOHN WAS THE MOST GLORIOUS HUMAN BEING. Thank you for being the light in so many peoples lives. You are still loved every single day. you are in my thoughts. prayers. movements. feelings. words. actions. life. I am sorry Caroline, Joe, Lucia and David. You are a strong family and you are all great people. Lucia and David to have raised a kid like JOHN is fantastic. You are fantastic people. Caroline and Joe to have helped make Johns aura makes you guys fabulous people. You all have great courage. Stick together and be strong. Your all in my prayers RIP John Skinner. You are undescribable. Ernest Liu: Hey John, your favorite art director again. When you left on Tuesday, I felt like you left me with nothing. I felt like I was unimportant and that my life had nothing to do with your's. But you left me your visions. You left me one of your biggest get-rich-quick schemes (which happened not to be very quick). Man... you wanted to make a game, sell it, get rich, and retire before you even left highschool. We'll do our best to finish this for you, even if it draws out many years. Tim and I will make sure of that. We had been making good progress on it before you left. When you did, we decided to put it on hold... to take time to remember you. To John's family... You're so lucky to have John as a family member. To have someone that everyone loved and looked up to. Just read through all these messages people left for John. He touched even people who barely ever met him. It's amazing. He's amazing. So John, just wanted to say that we're more hyped than ever about making your vision come true, and we'll do our best to finish Project Aqua for you, dedicated to you. Thanks for leaving this with us, John. - Ernest Liu PS: I'm planning on finishing Lyric Sages for you too. I just found out from Tim it was another one of your get-rich-quick schemes. Looks like you're helping me get rich =P. missing... : John. I didn't know you that well. In fact I barely knew you at all. There are a lot of different circumstances that put me in this position to write here. I didn't know you well, I probably met you about twice. But I think about you all the time now. I think about what you were thinking, if you were crying, if you just wanted someone to tell you everything will be alright. but from what I have heard you are not the type of person who changes their mind once they have it set. Honestly, I look at the stuff all these people have written about you and I do not understand WHY?. I hear your music and i do not understand WHY?. I see your pictures and i just do not understand WHY?. I know no one will ever know, and maybe you just couldn't take the stupidity of the world anymore. Half of me is happy that you are happy and in a better place. I hope all of your pain went away as soon as you got up there. Half of me is mad at you. Thats funny that you can be mad at someone you dont know well. I have watched your family and friends suffering John. They do not know what to do. I don't think that is ever what you wanted. For me, Suicide is an illusion because for the person who is commiting it all they can think about is how great it will feel once it is over. But its not over John it has only just began. Your family and friends lifes have only just began without you and to many ie. your mom, dad, brother and sister they feel there is no life without you. I don't understnad what you did John. I don't undertand how you didn't have enough time to just look around and realize you were the best John and you had it all going for you. I do believe that you are happy up there John and I am happy for that. Just know that everyday we are praying for you and we are keeping you in our hearts. You look after your family and friends and keep them safe. And although I didn't know you that well John, I love who you were. I love the concept of you and the way that you made everyone feel about themselves. That they are the only people in the world. and now John. You are the only person in their world. everyone loves you john. CarlMom (a Carlmont Mother): I am a mother of a Carlmont student. I also have a 21 years old son, about to finish college, who has the same passion for music and poetry as John. I share the pain of John's loss with his mother and father, siblings and friends. For this I'd like to share an essay that I clipped from"The Spiritual Writings of Marjorie Holms: Part III: To Help Through the Hurting". HE WAS SO YOUNG "He was so young, God. So young and strong and filled with promise. So vital, so radiant, giving so much joy wherever he went. He was so brilliant. On this one boy you lavished so many talents that could have enriched your world. He had already received so many honors, and there were so many honors to come. Why then? In our agony we ask. Why him? Why not someone less gifted? Someone less good? Some hop-head, rioter, thief, brute, hood? Yet we know, even as we demand what seems to us a rational answer, that we are only intensifying our grief. Plunging deeper into the blind and witless place where all hope is gone. A dark lost place where our own gifts will be blunted and ruin replace the goodness he brought and wished for us. Instead, let us thank You for the marvel that this boy was. That we can say good-by to him without shame or regret, rejoicing in the blessed years he was given to us. Knowing that his bright young life, his many gifts, have not truly been stilled and wasted, only lifted to a higher level where the rest of us can't follow yet. Separation? Yes. Loss? NEVER. FOR HIS SPIRIT WILL BE WITH US ALWAYS. AND WHEN WE MEET HIM AGAIN WE WILL BE EVEN MORE PROUD. Thank you for this answer, GOD. Gerardo Mejía: Johnny's death has been specially hard to take, since he was always very caring, loving and special with everybody. In my case, he always had the ability to make you feel like a friend despite any difference (like age). He was very talented, specially in making you close. I can hardly hold my tears when saying that I will miss him deeply for the rest of my life. I do not understand what John did, and I can not find a better way of honor him and pay my respects than saying that suicide is not an answer or a solution. I am very sure that in that moment of madness, he did not realize the sorrow and grief that his actions would bring to everybody that was close to him. It is my prayer that I can get I message out with my beloved nephew's death: that everybody's life is precious, no matter what. John: I forgive you, I will always remember you, I will always love you. Mike Huynh: Hey John, I didn't know you that well, but from what I remember, you were an interesting and funny guy, Its sad that you had to leave like this, but hopefully things are better for you now. rest in peace bro, and keep doin ya thing. Marcello G.: Hey John, After seeing your memorial, you can't imagine how I regret losing touch with you. You became an amazing person, John. I could see this from the sadness and disbelief written on the faces of those who knew you best. I will always treasure the time we spent together in childhood, and few times we ran together. This was not the way I hoped we would meet again John; not at a funeral chapel. I hope you found some something John, for without you there is one less extraordinary person walking this earth. Rest in peace. Your cousin, Marcello Emma Cambron: Hey John. I know we didn't know each other very well. I guess that's why I can laugh now and distract myself with other things. But I wish I could have known you better. Whenever I would come over to skate with Jo we would walk by you and your friends, talking and smiling and hanging out. You always seemed like the life of the party. And I wanted to be a part of that, to see you smile and know that you were smiling at ME, so I would be loud and obnoxious and hope to God that you would notice me. Pray that after I left with Jo and Spencer that you would remark to your friends, "Hey, did you see that one girl? Man, wasn't she something?" Then when I finally got to Carlmont,I saw you a lot more. That was the chance of a lifetime for me. Passing you in the halls, I'd call out -Hey Skinner! You're Jo's brother right?- and you would smile and wave and keep walking. But that was the highlight of my day. I would always see you walking from the choir room, smiling and singing a song. My heart always skipped a beat when we would talk, and all the (very few) times you gave me a ride to school or sang a song with me. That was so great. Now the only thing I regret was that I hadn't had the courage to approach you and say -Hey Skinner. Wanna hang out with me at lunch?- so I could have gotten to know you that much more. We will probably never know why you did what you did, and I know that people say it is selfish to do that. But I bet you did it, not to hurt someone, or to try to prove something. But just to... I don't know. But you are better now, and probably happy, and that's all that counts. We will all miss you. And I will always look back to the day of your memorial at school, the first day. Danny, Jo, and me laying on Danny's trampoline, looking up at the sky and I said -I bet he's up there laughing at us.- and Danny said "No, but he'd laugh if I did something like THIS!" while he sat on me and started poking me. Being stupid. That's what I'll miss. THe chance to be stupid with you. Good-night John. I'll see you again sometime. With more love than you could ever imagine- Emma Jessica Oliver: Hey John, I'm not really ready to leave you a messege yet but I will anyway because Ive seen now what can happen when you wait to long to do something. I think this is the first time in my life I have ever really regret something, I mean there is always those times when you say to yourlself "damn I wish I had studied for that test" but to me, this is so much more different, I see how much you were loved and I Liked you so much *rolls eyes* while you were in my 6th block, you were my first crush at this school even! and so far my only. You seemed to light a path for yourself and everyone around you everywhere you went. John the first time I saw you I said to myself "Oh my holy purple rain who is that" (that's one of my fave songs so yeah) and ever since then I was scared shitless to be around you thinking that you might find out my little secret. I didn't join clubs that I originally intended to because you had either started them or were in them, but then I joined the Dove club and I finally spoke to you!!!!! well actually it was when you invited me and my friend Karen to join the Dove club, but yeah w/e...but I saw that you were having some trouble with the pizza crowd, (I'm sure you know what I mean) and I saw you looking poor and defeated after words, and I guess I said the only things I hardly ever said to you "Sorry you couldn't hardly talk over anyone today" and he just smiled the most beautiful smile you could ever see...and then I left and never went to another meeting. I don't know why, maybe I forgot about it or something, but I just didn't go, I even got an e-mail..but for some reason I didn't go. And I don't think I regret anything as much as I regret that, so when you left us I made a vow, that I would always do what I felt was best and I would definently not have anymore regrets, and that I'll always have you and mind, because I know you were a great person, and just a great friend. I could see all the love in your heart for everyone around you and, I wish you knew how much they all loved you. But I won't wish you back anymore than I already have because obviously you just weren't happy, and I can speak for everyone who knew you, even though I didn't know them all that well, but I can say that they only wish and wished happieness on you...so I hope you are at rest now, or maybe haunting Mr.Kauffman & Dawn for just a little bit ;-) that is all for now john, when I write I will think of you always, and when I sing I will think of you always, although you might take it as an insult because I'm an awful singer lol....luv you. jessica Melissa Berg: John.... You meant so much to all of us You were special and that's no lie You brightened up the darkest day And the cloudiest sky Your smile alone warmed hearts Your laugh was like music to hear I would give absolutely anything To have you well and standing near Not a second passes When you're not on our minds Your love we will never forget The hurt will ease in time Many tears I have seen and cried They have all poured out like rain I know that you are happy now And no longer in any pain. John we miss you and it wouldn't be fair for me to say that i wish that somehow you could come back because i know you're in a better place.. i just want you to know that you are loved and you will always fill an irreplaceable part in each of our hearts.... I Love You Rest in Peace *Melissa* CLC student: John, I hardly knew you...and after seeing your beautiful memorial, i wish i did . All I knew was that you were so encredibly smart, a gifted muisician, and a great, loving (and loved) friend. I look around and see so many people you left hurting, and not a single one of them will ever be the same again. Time may help, but wounds leave scars. It's killing me to kno that. That the people you and I love, are never going to be as happy and joyful as they once were. But, i see hope. People say tragedy brings people together. i never really believed in that until now. It's hard to explain, but i'm sure you kno. And to John's family, i hope that u can see the light in this now, a maybe that can guide you through your sorrow. Joe, i was never really your friend, in fact id say i was as far from that as possible, but i dont care about any of that now. i want to support you, and i want u to feel comforted. i hope that everyone hurting right now will be soothed by others around them, because what everyone needs is more love. Jonathan Werden: John, I never spent a lot of time with you but in the times we spent together i really bonded with you. I wish i could have been there with you that day and talked you out of it but i wasn't and i feel bad about that. I think that everyone wishs they could have seen this coming. Winter Concert was 3 days away, you had your whole life ahead of you, i just don't get it. I'll wish i could have spent more time with you just hanging as guys. I miss you coming over just to play my guitar and seeing you at school. The last time i saw you, you came to my house to hang with me and Emily, i just never thought it would be the last time i'd ever talk to you or see you. Thank You John for recording your songs, you really had a gift in music. It sad that we lost that and you. I'll always miss you everytime I'm in choir. Rest In Peace John Cristie Skinner: Hey Johnny- I read the message below mine, my brother's. I'm sorry but it cant be true!! It just cant! I keep wondering, when am I ever gonna wake up from this nightmare. I just cant believe that you did that. When you went, you took a chunk out of everybody's life. I cry a lot but I know that I'm supposed to let it out I guess. But I wish that when I get stuck on a math problem you could just come down and help me like you used to. Now I know that I cant just have my mom drive me to your house, because you're not even there. I love your songs, I'll do anything to get a copy of them, I'm gonna try writing you one. I love you and miss you<3 I wish you were here<3 xoxo your beloved cousin Cristie Mary Skinner Gabe Skinner: John when i found out about your death, i was in shock and could not believe it. I then noticed that it was true and i started craying, hating that i couldnt do anything to fix it, and that it would never change. I couldnt stop thinking about it and imagining you jumping off the bridge, and even now i think about it every day, picturing ur body washed up on shore, and i hate it. I wish i could have stopped you and would have done anything to do it. I will never for get and i will always love you. Your Beloved cousin Gabriel skinner Gabriel Skinner: John I remember always hangin out with joe, and always seeing you there, either making fun of joe, playin guitar, figuring out some crazy scientific theory, wich ever one, you were doing you would always do it right. You were literally the smartest person i ever knew. Joe was telling me that when you took that IQ test in Guatemala, that your score was genius level and beyond average. But i wasnt surprised. Katy Stewart: Hey John, I am writting you because I knew you when I was in choir class when we sang togather and you were so funny. I liked when we were on the stage togather with all the choir. I miss you a lot. PS:Love Katy Stewart Michael Ostrin: john, i never got a chance to know you but i bet you were a great kid and ur poetry is awesome man and music well man just wanted to say R.I.P. From a stranger who wants show its love: To John's parents, sister and brother, I want to express my sorrow for the pain you are suffering. Mama and Papa Skinner, to outlive ones own child should never happen in any life. I hope to have children one day and I wish that I should never experience the pain you are feeling. To John's sister Caroline, I am amazed and very proud of your courage and you being able to walk with your head up high. I too have a younger sibling, he is my world, my heart and soul, the reason I live, to see if he's going to be like is older brother or better. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him and I hope to never find out due to the effect it may have on me. But I comend you for your strength and courage. And to the little man Joe, coming from a person who has a younger sibling, I hope you know that he loved you even thogh it may not seem like it. Though it may sometimes seem like we're being hard on you, we older brothers only want the best for our younger brothers. So keep your chin up because no matter what happens I'm sure your brother will always be looking after his little bro. Though you don't know me I'm just here to show some love. I believe during the hard times, we could all use some love from anywhere and anybody in order to heal the pain. John, when I have the cash, I'll come and visit you in Guatemala and experience the beauty that you always talked about so much to others. Ube': Skinner, sorry im late to writn u dude... i kno ur probably like "what the hell," but i didnt kno the URL so u have to cut me some slack... but n e way, o man... it's hard to say goodbye without even saying goodbye. I just saw u the wednesday b4 u left. i gave u a clove and we had a good time, but i never saw u leave... thats why im so mad at myself for never saying goodbye... but what ill always remember r the rants u had about certain things. remember the time when we were headed toward show choir, ugh show choir, and as we were headed up the hill on alameda in front of trinity ur van gave out. and it was raining, windy and a tid bit nipply. and as we were pushing the car up teh hill u were complainin about how the weather sux and we had no traction. but i dont kno how but we pushed it to the side and on to flat ground. then we waited like 30 minutes for ur mom to bail us out. then i gave u my 'vice city' while waiting b/c u said u never playd it, so when we meet again some day u better have it b/c i want it back, it was a good game... but n e way that was teh best memory and i think the only that the two of us shared. but it will always be the one i will tell b/c of ur ranting and complaining. i hope wherever u r or end up ur writn music and singn ur heart out. while ur doin it ur probably pickn up chicks with ur musical talent and that "i'm the hottest guatemalan ever" persona u have(keep it b/c it works, ive tried the "im the hottest azn ever" but that never pans out well for me). but make sure ur choosin teh rite hair style to go with it, the fro and teh bleachd airplane strip was not workn out for u bro. well this is my send off, i hope u have a safe trip in teh afterlife wherever it may lead u. and i realize im not going to say goodbye b/c ive always believed that its never a real good-bye...so ill see you later Olivia Walter: John... To be able to fully convey all my thoughts and feelings about you, I think that I would have to write a full novel. Writing a message here doesn't do justice to how much I want to say to you...but yet it's so emotionally taxing to extract all of my thoughts that I think a condensed version will work..for now. You, who were always so eloquent and articulate with words, used to tell me how you thought language was useless for expressing emotions. And now I think I get what you meant by that. When I first met you, I knew you as the infamous John Skinner, who got all the girls. We began talking during Once on This Island, and soon became friends. You liked to affectionately tease, and for quite awhile I spent a lot of time trying to figure out. My initial reaction was to shield myself from you, because I refused to be one of your playthings. I valued you a lot as a person and friend and I decided that I wanted to keep you. Yet my defensive sheild didn't work for too long. It'd been only a few months of music jamming sessions, intense online conversations, late nights of talking on the phone, when you finally broke me down when you kissed me for the first time. You were so good with your words, in fact, too good. I often doubted what you were saying was real, because you were so out there with your ideas. The affection and love that you would express to me seemed to good to be true. So for even more months I kept you at arms length, and didn't tell anybody about our secret relationship. As a friend, you were the most complex and intense person I've ever known. My ultimate goal was to break through the mysterious guise you put on to the world, and find out what really was you at your base. I loved talking to you, because you made me laugh so hard and thoroughly enjoy life. You were so mentally stimulating, and encouraged me to think differently and from different perspectives. You could be playful one minute, then serious the next. I loved that you were so unjudgemental and open to everything anything; you were one of the few people I could completely relax around. I loved to sit next to you and sing my heart out while you played our favorite guitar songs. I would excitedly listen whenever you sent me your newest songs. We exchanged poetry, opinions, stories. Eventually, friendship grew into something more intense and defined. I loved you, unconditionally. I didn't take you for granted, ever. I always marveled at how every moment spent with you would send my emotional level soaring up in the clouds. You could always get me out of my present confused states and into one of relaxation and contentedness, just by holding me and talking, using your beautiful prose. It was so intense that it often scared me how much impact you had on me, and sometimes I shyed away, trying to regain control over my own feelings. But you were always there. And you always hung on. I remember how I would invite you over for dinner on the weekends, and you would come over and eat with my family, having intellectual conversations with my dad and artistic ones with my mom, and then we would all play music together, you encouraging my brother to join us. You eventually became another member of the family, and it made me so happy. I remember freaking out when you told me you were planning on joining the Marines. The thought of you leaving me and everybody else and getting killed, or coming back a changed and traumetized being, upset me to no end. I couldn't understand why you'd decide to do something so crazy, especialy with all the potential you had. I think I understand now. At some point you started trying to get too close to me; crossed a line that I couldn't deal with. So I tried to fend you off, and it hurt you. I'm so sorry that it hurt you, that I wasn't emotionally mature enough to be that close to somebody, I'm so sorry that I couldn't offer forgivness sooner. I became cold all of the sudden, and got angry at you for merely acting like a human being. I was so convinced that you must be immortal, from some other realm and so above human nature that it shocked me to see you act and feel the way a teenage boy would be expected. And so I stopped speaking to you. I thought of you everyday, wondering where you were and what you were doing. It was only my pride that stopped me from coming back to you, and I'm so sorry. I'm glad that we were able to make up before you left, but I still wish I could have at least seen you. Said sorry to your face. I was willing to start over and rekindle the closeness of friendship we'd had, and was so glad that I'd finally started to melt the icyness I'd shown toward you in the past month. We made plans to hang out that weekend. I was looking forward to finally laugh and talk with you again, and snort over how stupid I'd been and how I thought of you everyday and wished I had enough guts to admit that I missed you. When Andrew called me and told me they'd found your cell phone on the bridge, I felt frozen. The entire afternoon I spent convincing myself that you were with Bryan, and that you were just trying to fool all of us. Even for the first couple of days, I truly could not bring myself to believe that you were actually gone. It just didn't fit. You couldn't be. Then came the greif, the realization that you really are gone. I went to the back of the world the other day, John, and I looked out at all the lights and thought about the myriad of memories that we've collected together. I remembered how once you told me that even if you were to suddenly leave, that you would always be an undying part of my life. I'm struggling to understand your death and why you had to leave, but I knew you well enough and I think I can accept that you must have had a reason and you knew that you were going to do it eventually. I must admit, that all things considered from the situation, that I all I want is for you to be back, and alive as yourself. I wanted to grow and change and be with you, as life progressed. I wish I could see you again, see you in all your antics, playing the guitar, singing, being yourself. I wish I could go back in time and make it so that you never jumped. I wish I had told you, one last time, how much I truly love you. Love is an interesting emotion. I know, from the core of my entire being, that you've taught me what love is. You would always talk to me about love, and told me quite often how you loved me, and I regret that I never made the effort to reciprocate that. I know that you knew that I loved you, even if I was never able to clearly articulate it. I still love you, and will always love you, John. I will never stop thinking about you and will never forget what an impact both your life and death has made upon me. Thank you.. My love. My Night Love. Elizabeth Iverson: John, I am sorry that I only knew you for a short amount of time, but I miss you. Your writing and poetry is beautiful, I wish I could have heard more of it in Writer's Paradise. You made my Thursdays fun, thank you. -Lizzy Pia T. Baur: Dear John, I've been wanting to write something here for a while, but it's been hard. I've read a few messages, seen how much you meant to so many people and it's hard to say that you meant just as much to me- were just as important. But you were. Maybe you have no idea, but those random things meant so much to me. You don't even know, but you were one of the brightest stars in my sky. Everyday, I would hope you'd sit next to me in journalism and distract me so that we could have another great conversation about parasitic qualities of men, existentialism, your great-great grandfather's autobiography, or why Dawn should marry you. That ring you gave me with "peace" engraved on it has never quite felt like it belongs with me. I have an inner conscience that makes me want to give it back to you. I should have gone to your viewing and returned it, but the idea of John- THE JOHN, lying in a casket, lifeless is more frightening to me than even the idea of a gravestone somewhere with your name on it. I saw Brian the other day and I thought I should perhaps give it to him, but he told me to keep it. He said you would want me to keep it anyway. So I wear it with the guitar pick. I still have the copy of Hamlet's soliloquy you used to keep in your wallet. I'm sad now that I took it from you. And now it seems so relevant. I wonder what else you would have said Monday night if I perhaps hadn't had my away message up, but talked to you instead. I can't ask enough times why I chose to ignore you that night. I usually love our crazy AIM conversations. Especially when you tried to prove to me the innate kindness in human beings and what the fourth dimension is. And you know what else you said? You said we have a natural tendency to make decisions most beneficial to us. Did you truly mean that? What was running through that crazy mind of yours minutes before? Can you still be my awesome hero in your cape from Diddms? Can I still edit all your song lyrics? Will you still order me an egg salad sandwich? Can we still skip journalism and go to Lorenzo's instead? And a million other things... And if it makes happy, you- one of my brightest stars, went like that fantastic supernova that you did. (I'm sure you're tsk-ing my grammar) And you have no idea how much that explosion shook the ground here. "Who needs other smiles when I have yours?" Your favorite existentialist friend.... Pia P.S. I gave away the copy of Straylight Run's CD I originally burned for you in hopes that new recipient will like it as much as you did. Kyle Shackleton: John, I met you my junior year, when you were one of the little freshmen on the cross country team. Unlike many of the younger guys on the team, you had no reservation in coming up to talk with me and ask me questions about running. To be honest it took me a while to take you seriously because of your goofy nature, but by track season I had spent enough time with you to understand that you were just an outgoing, friendly, and genuinly loving person and at that point I considered you a friend. You were a joy to watch improve as a runner and even more fun to watch interact with the rest of our team like steve and mulroe, who you finally brought some life out of. As I got to know you better I first recognized your genius as a musician and student. I also became impressed by your amazing leadership qualities as you immediately befriended all the freshmen joining our team that year. Our friendship was cut short by my not keeping in touch with you when I went to college and I'm very sorry for that and I'm really ashamed that I took you for granted. Your passion in everything that you did will always be an inspiration to me. I only will I could give you one more ride home from practice. I'll miss you bud, your friend, "Shack" (as you would say) Ariel Sarver: John. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't take you seriously enough. I'm sorry I didn't take the time to tell you how much I loved you nearly often enough. I'm sorry that I was angry with you right before you died. I hope you know I realize I was being silly and that I was only angry because I was scared you were making a mistake you'd regret later on. I should have remembered that you don't regret anything. You always told me not to apologize for anything, John. Not to regret anything. At the viewing Jessica turned to me and asked me if you regretted this. I started to say I didn't know. And then I remembered you and how you put meaning into everything you did and you wanted so much to be a part of everything, and I know you did this because it was what you felt you needed to do, and I know you don't regret it. I wish though – I wish you could see us and see how much we love you here, how much we miss you. You were one of my best friends, John. I didn't tell you that often enough and so much of our friendship was based on online conversations, but every word you ever said or typed to me really meant something. There were times when you told me that the thought of me had gotten you through a hard night. I wish I could have been there to help you on Tuesday, John. I wish at very least I'd had the sense to tell you that sometimes it was you getting me through the night instead. I'll never forget you. I'll never forget meeting you for the first time in freshman PE. You were the first friend I made in high school. The first person to see me as I wanted to be seen and not how I was seen during middle school. From all the crazy parties where I cried because I loved you so much or laughed at you eating twenty pimento olives as a dare to going to Carmina Burana a couple of weeks ago, it was always wonderful to spend time with you. You brought people together and helped them to get past their shells and their insecurities and love each other. Thanks for giving me a chance to get to know you and be your friend even after the whole soap opera that was freshman year. Thanks for getting me through freshman year and talking to me and trusting me and laughing with me in English and PE even when I wasn't doing what would benefit you the most. Thanks for remembering me sophomore year even though we didn't spend nearly as much time together then, and making me laugh with your crazy songs about Tsuch. Thanks for trusting me for advice for once in your dealings with Lauren. Thanks for sticking with me junior year in physics and calc and life. Thanks for coming over on my birthday last year in the middle of the night with a piece of German chocolate cake and singing to me even though I begged you not to. Thanks for the card that was so perfectly you that made me so frustrated. Thanks for understanding and forgiving why I acted the way I did when you drove me home from the Smash Bros. Tournament. I know what I did hurt you, and yet you still gave me your friendship and protected me. I'll never forget you being in the musical. Even my mom swore you were the best frog she'd ever seen. And John, thanks for this year. Thanks for sticking by me this past summer when I didn't have anyone I felt I could talk to besides you. Thanks for keeping my secrets and giving me advice and helping me to learn from my mistakes. You supported me and knew what to do to cheer me up even when I hadn't asked you for any help or even if I hadn't told you exactly what was wrong in the first place. Thanks for the hugs this year. I know I've always been a little standoffish, but every day I miss getting a hug from you on my way to French after first period and on my way to Shakespeare. They brightened my day no matter what else was going on. Thanks for challenging my beliefs. Thanks for trying to convince me that God exists and that men are naturally parasitic, that death is nothing to fear, that free love is true love, that I am an existentialist. Thanks for starting Bit of Poetry and reading and critiquing even my worst, most abysmal poetry. Thanks for wearing your scarf at the beginning of this year just because I asked you to because I loved it. I know it made everyone tease you about being gay. I thought it looked nice on you, and made you look very manly. ^_^ I left a scarf for you by your casket with the flowers. It was one you liked, the one my cousin knitted. One more apology, just to piss you off before you go on and read a more heartfelt and eloquent message from someone else. I'm sorry that I waited too long. I was worried about you these past couple of weeks. You were missing school and the last time I ever talked to you was to snap at you about cutting class. I'm sorry I was always such a nag to you. I did it because I cared. I asked Leslie Tuesday morning during French where you were and whether you were ok because I missed you. She assured me you were fine and I'd get to see you later. I wish I'd asked her that one day earlier. I wish I'd come to your last concert, John. I'd have liked to see you sing one more time. I wish I'd been able to tell you goodbye, that I loved you, that I was worried about you. I hate ending without being sure you know how much I care about you. I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want a memento of you and threw the glove you were trying to give me back at you. I hope you know that. I hope you know I was joking with you like you always did with me. You always teased me, John, and because of that I didn't ever show you that I took you seriously even as I was joking around and laughing back. I would do anything now to find that glove. I wish I'd kept the picks you left at my house the day I found out you were going out with Jennie. I wish I had more things to help me remember you. Still though, I have your pictures on the wall and your memories in my heart and your songs playing in my head. I hope you're happy now John, and free. I remember I gave you this picture of an open road headed out into the desert last year because it seemed like something you'd like – it seemed like freedom. I hope you're as free as I wished that picture would make you feel. I hope you're sitting somewhere drinking tea with your guitars and laughing at us. I'll see you again some day. Please say hi. You still have to tell me about the stars, and teach me to program and write songs. I'm not so sure you still have to buy a scarf from me – I'll give you one for free you still want it. I love you, John William Skinner Fuentes. 'Real Rachel Cape: Johnny How am I supposed to keep you updated now? You were right, Sean was good for me. I wouldn't have made it without him. Remember how that day we talked for the first time in months? I keep thinking back to that night when you got back from Guatemala and we played scarbble and guitar at Bryan's house and you were trying to seduce me the whole night. I still have the pick you gave me and the promise I made to write songs with it. I remember you promised me that you would always be there to pick me up in the middle of the night. Help me escape from my house. I thought when you broke my heart the first time nothing could hurt me as much again. I have my memories of you that I will always cherish.. You might be proud of me right now. I know you want us to be happy. Happiness was the goal in life. What happened to me being a maiden of bright light helping you out of the darkness? So John, was the grammar correct in all of that. I doubt it. I'm still going to get 30s on my vocab tests, but you won't be there to tell me what a nerd I am. You'll be glad to know I'm going to get through this. You never wanted me to suffer. I'm glad you're in a better place, and I know those blue eyes are looking down on my with the same intesity you always had when you looked at me. Goodbye, my dearest. Rachel Stephanie Reger: John, I remember the days back in freshmen year. PE was loads of fun. I remember how funny you were and you always seemed to make me laugh. When my friend text me the news about how you gave your life away, I was stunned.I was quiet throughout the day and all my friends (at HMBHS) were very concerned. You were such a great person. I will never forget you. I know that your in a better place, but sometimes we want something back that was taken away. I know that is how all of these people feel. Why you went, I guess we will never know. But one thing I do know is that you will look down on us every day and smile as we try to move on. R.I.P. man, we will always love you <3 ~Steph~ Cristie Skinner(cousin)...: Hey Johnny....I remember when we used to call you that, I don't know if people still but I'll still know you as Johnny anywayz, my amazing, kind loving cousin. I also remember when you lived in my house for a year when you, your sister, and your parents first moved here from Guatemala. I know I was only a baby and remember very little of those days but my mom would remind me of the moments we had and I would laugh at the little childlike things I did, like when you would take like an hour to build a complicated block structure, then I would just come up right next to it and knock it down with just the swing of my little arm. You would get mad, not that I could understand, I could barely talk myself. Wow, good times, good times. Well at first I didn't know that you wanted to be in the marines, because I did too and I never knew you did until a few months ago. Now when I get into some kind of trouble, I think of you and what decisions you might make and say..."I'll do it for Johnny" to myself. Well I'll always remember you and your great personality, not to mention those big, beautiful, bright blue eyes that looked like they made up half of your face. You were one of the greatest kids I've ever known and an awesome cousin to look up to. I actually used to brag to my friends about you and how I knew the koolest senior in the world, and better yet, I (ME!) was his cousin. I wish I could've hung out with you more now that we started going to the same school and I was a freshmen and you were a senior and everything. I hope you're having fun in heaven, watching over us too. O yeah and say hi to my great grandmother and other relatives of mine that are dead. I'm gonna write a song for you, ok? I miss you and I love you too much for words<3 xoxo Your beloved little cousin, Cristie Skinner Dylan Rojas: Rest In Paradise John. Biking back in the day...will never forget it. My condolenses to John and his family. fellow soccer teammate : John we played soccer many years ago im sure you would remember me. Ill miss you man even if we never became good friends. many people love you. i hope you take care. Melis Akin: I remember one time last year, when working on ONCE ON THIS ISLAND, my brother and I saw you at Jamba Juice and my brother tells me that you always said "Hey" to him after that. I feel that that is truly representative of you. Thank you for that. You touched people's lives that you probably did not even realize. You really touched my brother's heart, and mine. You will be missed dearly. Sarah Zarrabi: John, I miss you so much... it's hard for me to think of anything but you. But when I look back on all the memories, it's the funny and random things that I remember most. I don't think there was ever a time when you couldn't put a smile on my face. You told me once that you had gone to a Shakira concert, and had brought a big pair of binoculars to “enhance” your view. I teased you, asking “ A better view of what?” You laughed and said ... “a better view of the guitarist!” Silly, witty things like that made it wonderful to be around you, always. To this day, I think you are one of the most charming guys I've ever met. You were always so sincerely interested with how others were doing. With a voice full of energy, you would always take the time to ask how my day was. I wish I could tell you how much I treasured that... it's wierd that such a simple question can mean so much. You made everyone feel special, whether they were your close friends or not. When others told me my hair looked nice, you told me that it looked poetic. With others, I'd walk to class and forget the conversation five minutes later. I still remember my conversation with you about your mission to lower the voting age. John, you lived passionately, and that's the part of you that I love most. I will never forget the four years I've been able to spend with you...it wasn't enough. I miss you, may you rest in peace. Danica Gomes: John, I don't know where to start. I can't say how thankful I am that you were in my life. So many people have said this before, but I will say it again, you always ALWAYS made me feel good, even when you were making fun of me. How did you manage that? You always made me feel beautiful, even though that is such a hard thing to make me feel. I can only hope with all my heart that I made you feel a fraction of how good you made me feel. It makes me so sad that we grew apart. I don't know why I let that happen because I knew how much I missed you. And now what do I do? It seems that I can't remember enough. I remember you writing funny things on my hand in AS World Studies. I remember Halloween at Sarah's when I was so scared (like the idiot that I am) and you eased my worries. I remember walking with you after third period and talking about little things. That walk always made my day. I remember saying something to you on the way out of Latin. It felt so good to talk to you. I always marveled at your incredible skills in all areas. I can only hope that my clumsy words can convey just how happy and wonderful you made me feel. Just know how much I love you. I will see you later. Love, Danica Big Sister: Oh baby bro... Trying to find words to tell you how I feel seems pointless. Words will NEVER be enough... But there is one thing I want to tell you: I never thought one could wish so hard, as I have wished every day since you left us, that I may be allowed to go back in time. To go back to that very moment when you're heart was breaking, to the moment when you're big blue eyes looked over the water; I want to be right there with you. I wish I could extend a hand out to you, and let you know that whatever it is, we can fix it together, and then bring you into my arms and hold you, safe and sound... And tell you how loved you are, and that everything would be okay. The only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that NOW you are safe and you've found the perfection you were always seeking. You're beyond admirable little bro. May any storm that may have been taking place in your heart be calmed, and may all you're worries be soothed, and may you forever rest in love and peace, in the glorious arms of the Lord. Love endlessly, Caroline Skinner PS: Thanks for looking after us, I can feel that you're already at it. Heather You: I know my brother knew you and I remember people speaking fondly of you. Unfortunatly, I never had the pleasure of meeting you, but I do remember your name. I remember your talent both in music and in acting. Once this Island blew me away. I know you will be missed and I know that the students (past and present) of Carlmont have suffered a heavy blow. Your memory will live on forever in those hallowed halls. Rest in peace John. You will not be forgotten. Greg Surh: Running is what I'm best known for - running was only a small part of the many talents you possessed. How you could run so well with so little talent, I have no idea - but you knew - you had so many gifts and you didn't want to waste it. I was sorry you missed track last year, considering it was your proving ground (800m), but I was so thrilled when you said we would race again this year. No doubt about it man, it would have been a hell of a race -and knowing how you never held anything back, be it running or life itself, I wouldn't be surprised if you beat me. Maybe the Shackletons taught me how to run, but no doubt about it, you taught me why to run - even why we live life itself. No doubt about it - that says so much about you: why were you special? Your "no doubt" lifestyle - few have, most don't, you had it in spades. Thank you my friend - I'll never forgot you: no doubt about it. Erica Chun: I've written many letters to John after his passing, y'know just to write stuff down. At this moment though, I'm at a loss for words. John was one of the most talented people I had ever met before.I marveled at his passion for music and poetry. I met him my freshman year at cross country practice.I remember how he called me a little freshie,and said he was a far superior sophomore. He wanted to grow his hair out longer, he asked me for conditioner advice. We all were suprised when he cut it especially Mulroe. Even though he quit the team his junior year, he still wanted to know what was going on with us, always taking the time. He said he was going to join track this year. John got me interested in poetry. His passion for it spread like wildfire. I joined his poetry club, and posted stuff on bitofpoetry. He took time to listen to you, and to notice things. I wish I spent more time with you, hung out with you, and talked with you more, but I guess thats the way most of us feel. I don't know, its hard to say anything that could sum up relationships. Friends...it just doesnt' mean enough. I can't say any words about John that would do him justice. I don't think you could do that with anyone, especially John, because he was so amazing. Its impossible to write down in words John's talent, his inteligence, his wit,his soul.Impossible. I was listening to the songs last night.Its hard to realize I won't hear your voice or see your face anymore. It kills me that I couldnt' do anything to help you, and that I don't know why. Maybe thats why I'm the naive freshman. John Skinner was my friend and I loved him and I hope he felt the same way. Goodbye John Skinner, see you again someday. Anon: The reality of this whole thing didn't hit until I read all these messages and was brought to tears. I wish I could be home to be with everyone. John, you were an unbelievable person and I will never forget you. Aaron Walter: john, I can't believe this happend man. If only i were there to stop you, to talk to u and to be there with my very good pal. why? you were so good at everything. I listened to your music you were awesome, and talented. i love you and i will never forget you. you'll always be in my heart. come by and visit me with your spirit. :( i love you man. and so does everyone else. anonymous: John, i didnt know u very well but i still think of you and we will all miss you alot and never forget you! Administrator: Hey everyone. Sorry that the script broke, but it is now fixed. You may post messages. Bryan Walsh: 12/4/2005, 3:00 AM Hey man. I know it's only been about a day and a half since I last wrote here, but I wanted to let you know that for the first time since hearing the news, I can say that I am in an honestly good mood. But don't worry, I'm sure depression will settle back in again soon enough, and I can get back to writing the lengthy, heartfelt, tear-jerking letter that I've been working on in my brain for the past few days. Yes, tear-jerking. The day that you read it I expect it to rain. Heavily. The viewing went fairly well yesterday. I'm not sure if you were there (in spirit), due to the fact that you didn't bother to cut the lights as you did at both your memorial and at Cooks where 12 or so of us were eating afterwards, but if you were there, I'm sure you noticed me royally eff up "Strawberry" towards the end of it as I performed it in front of your casket. I can totally picture your reaction: "Goddamnit, Walshie. Leave it to you to mess up a song with nothing but four power chords." But hey, when have I ever gotten through a song we played together without messing up at least once? At this point, I could probably get away with saying I did it on purpose for tradition's sake. Oh, and remember that pick I got at the Nine Inch Nails concert we both went to a couple weeks ago in Oakland? The one I wouldn't let you use when you were here last Sunday? Well, I used it to play the song and left it there on top of your casket. I hope someone will find a way to keep it with you. After the viewing about 15 or so of us went to The Bridge. We walked across it to the point where we believe you were found a few hundred feet below and taped a picture of you to the nearest beam. We knew you were there when a couple of lights started going out around us. We threw flowers at you. I hope you managed to catch a few of them. Love, "Walshie" Jen Petrocchi: I had the privilege to meet John at Heather Elementry School when we were in kindergarden. For kindergarden and 1st grade we were in the same class. I became good friends with him. He lived right up the street from me. During 1st grade John became really ill. He was unable to go to school. My mom and I would make food and walk it up to him a lot. After 1st grade John left and continued to Charter, we were apart until Carlmont. I remember seeing him and knowing that he was going to be one of those guys that was going to go somewhere in life. Just by looking at him you knew that. It wasn't until this year that we had a class together, government. That class is not the same anymore without him, and it never will be. He sat 2 seats away from me but I only wish that I became closer with him before he left us. He was the life of our class. You were an awesome musican, very intelligent, and a wonderful role model. When I heard of the news I was shocked. I really didn't want to believe it...I don't think that anyone did. John, I know that you're up there looking down on us. Seeing how many lives you touched and how many people love and miss you. You will never be forgotten and you will always remain in my heart. I love you John. Until we meet again, Rest in Peace... <3 Jen Petrocchi Jenna Marx: John - I will truly miss you and I regret that I didn't get to know you better while I had the chance. You made school a lot more interesting and you inspired me to be a better person. Thanks for teaching me all you have. I'm sorry that I never got to tell you how much I admire you and how intelligent you are. I will miss you and I hope you rest in peace. Love Jenna TJ Fonseca: I always heard about how good you were at music man, its to bad this had to happen, I hope you are in a better place and my heart extends out to your family and others who knew you well, Rest In Peace dude your memory will live on. TJ Julian Sera: I remeber the great times we had. I first met John in Freshman year where our love of music brought us together. I had the honor of playing a "show" for school with him. John was an amazing person and this world will not be the same without him. Kris Weisman: I was privileged to have John's smiling face and piercing intellect in my Government class for only three short months, but I will certainly keep him in my heart forever. He was a wonderful young man. Benny Luo: I remember meeting you during freshman year, However I never exactly got to know you until this year. It was great talking about politics and joking around about things which happened during government, those were fun times. I think what I'll miss the most about you is how laid back you were, how you related so well to others, I found it very easy to start a conversation with you everyday. Government will never be the same without you, whose going to entertain me now during those boring worksheets that Weisman makes us do? RIP Man, It was truly a privelage getting to know you... Eliot Lash: I feel privileged to have known John for the past three years. My only regret is that I didn't spend more time with him. John has left behind a great legacy. A part of him still lives on through his music, his writings, and the memories we share of him. I won't forget all those crazy moments in English class, our offhand conversations about politics and the inner workings of the universe, the times I helped him go over new chapters of the Project Aqua story with a fine-toothed comb, or even the so-called "development meetings" we had which usually consisted of playing tetripong (or, in one slightly more productive case, going to see the new Star Wars movie.) John may have left us, but his vision has not. People around the world are collaborating to create the game he envisioned. I and the rest of the Project Aqua team will work as hard as we can to turn John's dream into reality. Dominic Constantine: It's the hardest thing. It was only a short while that I got to know you, yet I don't think you even knew my name. I remember you trying to hit the "highest of high" note a man can possibly sing and with that I realized how far you were able to take things. I never once had a class with you nor did I ever see you outside of school. I never got to shake your hand. It's these things that I miss most, and I will cherish forever. The fact that I knew (not nessasarely did you know me) but I knew the most couragous and wonderful person I had ever seen. I really don't know what hurts the most; the fact that I'll never see you again, or the fact that we never shared any special moments. When I saw your smile on Monday... I miss you man. I hope you are in a better place, and I hope that you are singing your heart out. Rest peacefully. Robert Muller: We were the only two of the youngest grade in regular & AP computer science. I remember the crazy fun things that took place in AP comp sci the most, but I didn't know you, in a way, or as much, as I wanted to. You made an impression on this earth as expansive as your soul, and I didn't realize it encompassed me until now. Bryan Walsh: Part of me wishes I hadn't answered my phone that day. Part of me wonders what my message would have said if I hadn't. Part of me finds a bit of solace in the fact that I was the last person to talk to you. Part of me wishes you would have said something regarding this. Part of me wishes that I would have kept you on the phone long enough to give you the chance. Part of me wishes that I could stop thinking about this. All of me knows that I will never be able to. I love you, John. Bobby Sugitachi: John, It will always be an honor to be able to call you my friend. Before I had met you personally, I had always heard the name "John Skinner" mentioned in conversations among friends. Last year I was fortunate to meet you where we shared some great memories in both Spanish and Calc. I will always remember joking around in spanish and making as much fun of Ms. Thompson as we can. Although Erik and I got yelled at a lot, it was nothing compared to what you got. I remember the day she finally got fed up with us and moved us clear accross the room. However, we would win the fight in the end seeing as we ended up in our original seats at the end of the year. As for calculus... It seemed like almost every day that I would walk into the room and see you sitting on my desk in conversation with Ariel and Mira. You were one of the few who dared to try and stand out in that class and for that I have the upmost respect for you. The last memory that I have of you, is from this passed summer. Cops and Robbers, oh boy. I remember I'm sitting in the back of Robbin's Cabby trying to search for the remaining robbers (myself being a cop). We happen to be driving along San Carlos Avenue at probably close to midnight and we come accross a running shirtless John Skinner... Dan, with a van full of cops, spots you too and we jump out of our respective cars and attempt to chase you down. Although you already had a mile and a half run behind you, it takes a full seven people to finally capture you. For those of you who did not have the fortune of ever meeting John, he was an amazing individual. Many other people have known John longer, known him better, and can talk of his character in a more eloquent way than I, however, this is John as I know him. John was THE friend among friends. Through the mutual friends we have had, I have never heard anyone talked about with such admiration and respect. John cared for his friends with the same passion that his friends showed him. He was never afraid to speak his mind, and had an opinion (oftentimes humorous) for everything. He was laid-back and aggressive at the same time and used his wit to perfection. If something bothered him, he would never show it. My memories of him bring images of a happy and upbeat person, which is why I was so shocked upon hearing of his passing. Nothing, however, can say more about his character than the impact that his death has had on the community. John... If you can see it now... Look at how many people love you. Friends, Classmates, Teachers, Parents... all of us have been deeply moved knowing that you are no longer with us. I am sure you had your reasons for doing what you did, but you left so many of us behind. I wish so much that you had turned around and come back home so you could see all the people that truly care about you. If only you knew... Being the inspiring character that you were, it is fitting that you will continue to impact the community after your passing. Already, your death has rekindled the debate about the Golden Gate Bridge. Just look at this http://sfexaminer.com/articles/2005/12/01/news/20051201_ne07_bridge.txt. I guess this was just John's last gift to us here on earth. John gave his life to save many. Nothing can say more about him than that. John... I hope you are in a better place right now, but know this. This world was best when John Skinner was a part of it. I guess what I am trying to say is we will miss you john... everyday of our lives we will forever miss you. Charlene Chong: John, I don't even know where to start, I don't go to Carlmont anymore but this is affecting me just as much as if I were still a part of the senior class of '06. You were always the perky, fun, dorky, nerdy, loving, cutesy, and enjoyable guy I loved being around. I first met you during my junior year in math class with Tsuchiyama, I loved going to that class everyday because I looked forward to hanging out with all my sophomore buddies. We were the "crew" that talked non-stop at the back of the room - you, me, Anna, Brian, and Mark - we drove Tsuchiyama up the wall. Our group was so tight that Tsuch thought I was a sophomore with the rest of you guys! I had such a great time always comparing grades with you guys, knowing that I wouldn't ever be able to work myself up to that level you all were at. The class was so much fun, I will never be able to look back on that analyt class any other way anymore. Then there was the great luck and pleasure that I ran into when I decided to be the team manager for Mrs. Mulroe for the cross country team. We chilled for some time afterschool, too :] You were always driving Mulroe insane because you talked so much during stretches and you bad mouthed her everytime she told you to shut up. It never came across as rude, it was always fun because it was pure entertainment. John, you were a great runner and I've heard Mulroe compliment you many times while her and I were always so close, that you have the potential to be really really great. You had your strengths in track, also, but unfortunately I was unable to be a team manager for that season since I played badminton. Those cross country days will remain in my memories. John, it's most definitely been a great pleasure. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye, I'll miss you like no other. Your departure has given me a few big realizations in life, that it's too short for people to hold grudges and it is just too unexpected. I really hope you have moved on to a happier place, even though you have saddened this place with your leave. Carlmont will never be the same when I go back to visit. I'll always remember you, John. Until we meet again... Take Cares, and much love. -Charlene (or Charweenie, you always liked to call me that) Ernie Lee: John. I dont even go to Carlmont High School anymore. I graduated year 04 but I still go there every once in a while to say whats up to old friends and my girlfriend. You dont know me and I dont know you. Unfortunately I never had the privilege of meeting you. About a month or two ago, a friend of mine invited me to the carlmont spaghetti feed. You were there. I remember sitting and eating my food when I heard one of my favorite songs being played by you. You played it so well that I thought I was listening to the radio. After I finished my food I saw you playing it again only this time you were singing along with one of my good friends from high school. I thought heres a good oppurtunity to meet this guy and shake his hand. I ran over and was gonna meet you but didnt want to interrupted your show so i sat back down...Now i regret not taking the chance to meet you. Now your in a better place and everyone here will miss you deeply. And dispite the fact that you dont even know who i am and i dont know you, Ill still miss you just like I'd miss any of my friends if they left. Take care of yourself buddy wish you were here to teach me how to play hands down Josh Wolf: John, though I've only known you since last year, you've enlightened me every day since then. Be it with a joke, witty comment, insult, or that man hug we did in Spanish and English just to prove that men could grab each others asses while in a love embrace and still be straight, everything you did made my days better. When I met you for the first time in Spanish, we were reading the story Una Carta a Dios, and on the last line, when the guy said how God had gyped him out of the money he asked for, we both laughed, and it started off a friendship that would last until you left us. I miss you so much, and you'll never be far from my thoughts; my love of every thing about you will remain forever. And John, if there are any hot Roman angels up there, I've left your pick up line so that you can get your pick of the litter. "Optasne meam vitam fortunamque gustare?" Te amo tanto, y nunca dejaré de hacerlo. -Josh Michelle St.Lezin: John, I can't believe you're gone. There's so much I wish I could've said...there's so many things I wanted to do, once the time was right. I put it off. I'd see you online and want to talk to you, but I wouldn't know what to say. So I'd wait. I didn't know that there wasn't time to wait. It hurts to think of all the opportunities that I've had and let pass. John, I wish I could've told you how much I already missed you. You were such a big part of my life. You just cared so much about each and every person, and made everyone feel good. You're probably the only person I know who can make fun of people so much and make them feel good for it! There's just so many good memories. Like all those "parties" we had freshman year and the time you scarfed down like 20 olives on a dare, the Halloween we watched The Ring and you told us when the scary parts were coming so we could close our eyes (and you didn't even trick us!)...Looking back on the memories is the one thing that helps. But at the same time, it makes it hurt even more because it just makes me want to go back. John, I don't know if you knew how many people you touched. I wish I could have told you how much I appreciate and admire you and how much our friendship meant to me. I'm so thankful to have known you. I'll miss you so much. Nick Buford: Dear John, I know that we weren't best of friends, but i just wanted you to know that i love you and will miss you terribly. I hope that you know how much everyone cares about you. May you rest in peace, and may every day be sunny and bright for you my friend. We will always remember your smile. With love, Nick Buford. Lan Peterson: John, It didn't taken much to convince me that you were a totally amazing person. Now, every new story I hear just builds on the regret I have that I never got to know you. I have so much respect for you. You were such an inspiration to so many people. Even just your memory has inspired me. To stand up for what I believe, to never let any day go unlived. I seriously can't think of anything that would be right to say right now. You are so loved and I have no doubt that you always will be. No doubt at all because you did so much for everyone around you. Rest in peace John. Brian Connor: my best friend. that's it. more like a brother: we never had to be around each other all the time to be considered best friends any more. in fact, we stopped eating lunch together, and only saw each other outside of school and during choir. it was just that no matter where we were, or what new friends we made, we both considered each other best friends. i was so close to his family, and mine was so close to him. john left messages to three people right before he jumped, and on mine, he said i could have his guitars, and it would be cool if i wrote a song for him, and that he love me. i only wish i could've made it clear how much i loved him too, but looking back, i don't think it was necessary to. i think he knows. we were friends since kindergarten, and since then i can't think of one single bad memory. i spent saturday with john at a football game, and all of monday until maybe 8 pm with him. in some ways, this makes it all easier knowing i spent some of his last times with him, and in some ways it makes it even more difficult, for the same reason. i hope you all enjoyed the song i played at the memorial, and i hope he was listening. i'm already working on about 3 more, and am going to be making a compilation cd with nick buford of songs from friends and songs he wrote. i know you'll remember john. i won't have to say please. brother, hold on now just take deep breaths like you always practice to and i'll be there singing along brother, where'd you go? i just saw your smile and heard your voice last night but now i'm left to sing alone acronyms don't do you justice: Rest In Peace. -Brian, Bri, B, Conman, Connor, Connors, Dude, Asshole, Loser, Punk, Best Friend Alex Morgan: John, Where to begin? So many memories, all of which are unforgettable. I still remember those times sophomore year in math when we were arguing over what would win in a fight, Mr. Tsuchiyama's math equations or Mr. Fung's mousetrap cars. Or I would watch, amazed, as you programmed "In the Land of the Tsuchiyama" in your graphing calculator. You were the one who got me interested in programming, and who helped me to stick with it for that entire year. Anytime I needed help with anything, I knew that I could count on you to help me out. And then there was that time when you joined Yury's band for a whole couple hours. I remember how you and Yury started arguing over what to play, and pretty soon every band member was playing something different with you yelling/singing over everybody. And then there were all of the great times with Project Aqua. Using the pictures of the development team for sprites? Or the ultimate battle music? Those were just two of the many brilliant ideas you came up with. John, you were and are a genius when it came to schoolwork, an outstanding musician, a great friend, and an inspiration to anyone and everyone who ever met you. You will be missed, but you will live on forever in our hearts. Dan Lyon: Hey John, remember that time me, you and Chud talked about hacking into the PA system to play Adam Sandler? It's a shame we never got the chance... Thanks for all the help with recording and for showing me your beautiful music. Oh, and thanks for lending us your amp. Rest in peace, Skinner, you will be missed Ivan You: A fond memory I have with John is the time he came over to Nick Foletta's house to jam with me and Chud and David and Nick. His musical talent was exceptional. I remember he played and sang Like a Stone by Audioslave, and Inside Out by Eve 6. We jammed in G minor for a little bit, too. He is a nice guy, and I know he will be missed. Tyler Harrington: hey, I never expected this guy just becase id see him bout onc a day walkin and smiling usualy singin a tune (get songs stuck in my head!). When he was in a group of people hed usualy be involved and geting other people invoved in the conversation just a real classy guy. Well i guss the point is that he was a happy guy and may he R.I.P. Daniel Wanardi: John you were the one who pulled me through Freshman year. You cheered me up when I needed it and you made me laugh at the most inappropraite times. John you were my companion in English class and my tutor in World Studies. John you are my mentor, you taught me to live life to the fullest and to never give up. I miss you everyday and this is my fairwell to you. John your legacy will always be remembered. Lyzzie Christman: Dear John, There's so much I never said to you John that I wish I had. I never stopped to have all the convorsations that I wished we could have. I only knew you about two months but in that one time we actually got to talk, I realized just how cool you were. I miss hearing your name in the hall everyday (even though it hasn't been that long since you left us). I missed seeing you in the hall when I was heading to 3rd period today. It's just so surreal...I keep looking up, expecting to see you walk into the choir room or standing right in front of me but you're not there. I'm told I should feel a certain way about how all this happened but I can't. I'm told I should be mad at you but I can't be angry. I know you had your reasons for moving on, and though I don't know what they are, I try to respect that. You were so loved and still are. I know you were watching us all crying our eyes out today at your memorial. It was astonishing to see that Theater packed with as many people as there were. I hope you know how much we all love you. I just never got the chance to say how I felt and I regret putting it off till the tomorrow that will never be there. I made sure the day I heard what happened, to tell all my friends I love them. Even those I haven't talked to in so long, I pulled them in and said I cared. It's sad that it took such a long time for me to say that to them and that I can't say it to you... I didn't mean to write this much but I had to let you know... Whether you find this out or not, I won't know till we meet up again in heaven. Hope you found a set of wings to match that cape of yours. I can't wait to see you again. Brian Wu: Although, really, we did not know each other that well, I always knew you were a good guy John... Lets see... It was your poetry club that we met for the first time, correct? Sigh... I have to say although that club failed, you had my full support. I admired your skills in poetry. Moreover, you had the talent to use that to compose songs. Then, it was Project Aqua. Those were some fun times. Although I never really did anything, I saw the drive in you for leading so much in the project. Remember that time when I was so compelled by the drive that I brought my laptop to show you some Chinese RPGs that I thought was good study for the Project Aqua? Good times.... Only if you can see the impact of you leaving us... So many are mourning, crying, for YOU... May peace be with you. Ernest Liu: Hey Skinner... where'd you go? We still have a long way to go on Project Aqua. Heh, yeah, that's how we met. Around five years ago, you dreamed up a great game, and you pulled me into it three years later. Ha, man I loved those sprite characters you made. They were awesome. I wish we had some classes together. To experience the true John-ness. To hear your rants on social evolutionism. To see you take over classes and get A's on presentations you made up on the spot. To get to know you more, more than just a great musician, great writer, great thinker. To know you as a great person. Last time we met... to discuss that website you commissioned me to do. You came over to my house, came in and told me you were sitting outside in the car so you could hear me practicing piano. I think that's when I gave you your Project Aqua sweater... that looked awesome on you. And that other defective sweater you still wanted... I kind of fixed it up but I never really gave it to you. You went away... I did the next best thing. I gave it to your best friend. It was really hard, John. I couldn't even see past the wetness in my eyes. Thanks for being my friend, even if we didn't get to hang out much. Thanks for being there for my friends too. I am surrounded by words that praise you, cherish you, and adore you. We wished so hard that you were playing a joke on us, and that you'd jump out from behind the curtains and laugh at us. Every day the reality gets harder to bear. But you know... sometimes when I look at your picture, it feels as if you're still there, just standing behind me. With that big smile of yours. John, I want to be more like you. You gave so much advice and knowledge and wisdom to all those around you. Yet I was never around enough to grasp any of it... I want some. Hah... remember, you asked me for advice once? Yeah, advice on dating a religious girl. Just because I'm Christian. I couldn't help but laugh. Good times, and I wish we had more. So yeah... wherever you are now, John, my hands are open and ready. If you could just throw some of your qualities to me somehow, I'll do my best to catch them. Help me shine as bright as a star and impact those around me. I love you John, and I wish we could have had a tighter friendship. Take care, alright? - Ernest Liu, your favorite Art Director Dustin Reich: John, you were one of the best guitarists our age that i've ever heard, its terrible to see you go like this, i wish that you were still here dude, you had so many great things ahead of you in your life. ill always remember you.. Liz Osborn: I only met John once, but he was the kind of person I would never, ever forget. He was brilliant. I wish I'd had the chance to get to know him better. I would've loved to. Thanks to Byran Walsh for bringing him with you on that day. John, the Minty Hippos and I are going to do "Might Be Beautiful" as a tribute song for you in our debut show. I hope that someway, somehow, you can be there. Rest In Paradise. Evgenia Shnayder: O wow, John. I can't believe you're really gone. What am I going to do when I need a random physics fact? Who can I turn to when I need a self-esteem boost? All I can say is that you left long before you were supposed to leave and I will miss you now and always. If it was love you needed, I don't know if there was any way all of us could give you more. And if you needed attention, I wish this didn't have to be the way to get it. If you wanted to make a statement, I wish you were around to see it understood. I'll always remember. Brandon Robinson: I knew John since Freshman year. We were on the cross-country team together. Unlike him, I was a wuss and quit one meet into it. I continued to shy away from what I was best at. Instead, he excelled at what he was best at, and then some. It wasn't unusual for him to try something new, and that's a fact. This man had potential to go to great lengths to accomplish things that are in the elite Nobel Prize club. Many get-rich-quick schemes, and many other innovative tools that he had really began to enhance with me and the rest of our BC Calculus class. Mr. Enenstein allowed him to do that... he prepared him for what the purpose is of life, and how unexpected things occur at unexpected times. John was different in the way that, well, he's a good guy to have a conversation with... as long as you know what he's talking about :) The song that I wrote for him was not something that he asked me to do... when I first heard of the news, words instantly started popping into my head. First, it was the "How?" and the "Why?" But soon the "How?" and the "Why?" did not matter... and it was just the feeling inside that was important. Pretty soon, time became frozen. Seconds turned to minutes, which turned to endless time. It was hard to breathe, and hard to feel alive for a moment. Then, it came out on paper. A song that I would dedicate to John Skinner. Pretty soon I will record it and put it up onto this site. Remember Who You Are, John Skinner. I will always miss you and your sharp tactics to outwit even the greatest minds. I will miss your synthetic charm that seemed to please everybody that was in that Little Theater today, and then some. People, these words will always hold true (for the meaning of life): 1) There are times that we forget that something is there until it's gone. Cherish it while it's there, because one day it won't be. Also, being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up. These are the best days of our lives. Rest In Paradise, John Skinner You will forever be missed. John McMaster: Mostly I knew you through several years on English and through your studies in Computer Science. In English you always made the period so much more interesting with your humor and positive outlook on things. I especially enjoyed this year in English the scenes you both read and preformed. I liked them very much and will miss them. You have inspired many people with Project Aqua and people continue each day to work on your project. Your enthusiasm and creative ideas will always continue to influence us. Anonymous: You saved my life and you will never even know it. Joan Hestenes (Lehnen): I'm Tim Lehnen's mom. I met John on a number of occasions, often surrounded by friends, and really enjoyed knowing him. I know he will be greatly missed. Robin Marcus: I didn't know John, and I only just heard about him today from Ari, but I've listened to his music, and read what all of you have had to say, and it seems that we lost a truely needed, and loved soul when John died. I'm sorry I never got the chance to meet someone like him, but am glad that his music and memory lives still. Ariana Friedman: I met John last year in Ms. Langkusch's AP English class, and I noticed him right away. He seemed so confident, he was always making people laugh and always getting into trouble. By the end of the year I had only talked to him a few times, but I had learned that he was a musician, a poet, and a creative thinker. He told me that he was glad I was going to be joining Chamber Choir with him the following year, and I looked forward to seeing him there. The following year, this year, I got to know him a lot better. We sang together, we talked online and in person, and he even gave me a random phone call once during the middle of my musical just to say hi. Once I went to his garage and the two of us played guitar and sang for hours. We discovered that we had both gone to the same elementary school and had known the same people, but never knew each other. He said that he wished he had met me sooner so we could have become friends sooner. He always had a way of making people feel good. Even when I wasn't happy, I would smile whenever I saw him or heard his name. He told me a few weeks ago that he was so glad he had gotten closer to me this year. I told him that he was sweet and that I was glad to be his friend. Usually you don't tell your friends that you treasure them, and it's certainly not something you say every day. But I had the chance to tell John that he was an amazing person and a great friend, and I'm grateful for that. John and I had plans, there were things we wanted to do. He told me that he wanted to compose and play music for me to sing with him, he told me that he'd take me to the back of the world, and there was so much more he could have shared with me. He really touched the people who knew him, and he was capable of so much. I never told him how much I love him, and I regret that now, but I hope he knew it anyway. John, I wish that everyone could have had more time with you, I wish you were still here. I love you and I'll never forget you. Jeremy Koss: John, we hardly knew each other and we bonded over Smash Bros. From when we hung out at the random passing in the halls or us talking at lunch, hell even when we had our Smash Bros. match up at my house for The Wizard of Oz cast party... I felt like I knew you then. And you were... you are such a great guy. I regret that we couldn't bond more and I regret hardly knowing you. John Skinner, I hope you find the hapiness that you couldn't here in heaven. Rest in dear peace my friend. Crystal Mao : This is something I wrote on December 11, 2004. I was rather depressed, and John cheered me up like he always did. ' Thanks John..every time we talk it lifts me up or shows me something new about what life is really all about. The fact that you're alive renews my faith in humanity/ GOD (not necessarily christianity or religion..but GOD =]). There really are worthwhile people out there..you just gotta go find them. And I found one! yay. Haha if you don't know who he is..that sucks for you because he is really really cool. John I love you. ' It's so true. I miss you.. Brendan O'Loughlin: What is there to say about this whole situation. I've known him for almost a decade. John was a classy guy. I was two years ahead of him, but he would always good-naturedly give me a hard time that I still didn't drive. As a matter fact, that got to the point where it was almost annoying. But we got closer in a sense at work together at Skinny Sippin. I was on my way out, and he was basically my replacement. We would sit around and joke about work and stuff like that. He asked me for advice on how to give guitar lessons once. I can't precisely recall what I said to him about it. Well, John, this one's for you. Humboldt State University 3rd floor Alder hall salutes John Skinner tonight, in the way that only we know how. Fatty jam session. And to all my friends back home, I wish more than anything I could be there with you guys. Stay strong. And don't EVER give up. Brendan Alex Volynets: I didn't know John very well, but he always seemed like a great kid. He was close to so many people I care for and admire, that he must have been. Most people lost someone... I lost something... an opportunity, I guess, to know someone wonderful. This is a story I shared with a few of my friends when I heard and I will post it here again... One night, my mom was talking to her brother on the phone (he lives in Ukraine). There was news that their father was very ill, so my mom decided to go visit him. That night was a Sunday night and she was going to leave Tuesday night. I went online that night, I was going to post at this forum I used to frequent and ask my friends to pray for my grandfather... but the Internet was too slow, it just wasn't working. I was planning on going online at school the next day and posting it. That morning (Monday), on her way to the airport, my mom told me he had passed away. I still went to school that day. What was I supposed to do? In my first class, a pregnant girl sat next to me. I drew her picture.... the circle of life continues no matter what... Alex Paxton: I knew John since 2nd grade... but I can't say I began to know him well until I was in 7th, and he in 8th. Those were the days when him and I talked for hours after school.. thinking up Project Aqua. If not for him the project would have gone nowhere. I always saw him as a great writer and musician.. and someone I could always go to for advice. He was wise beyond his years, and I always looked up to him. He just had so many great qualities. When I caught wind of this news.. I couldn't believe it. I still have a hard time believing it. The John I know would never do this. I suppose that... because I hadn't really kept in touch with him that well over the past few years... maybe he's changed a little. Something that fits in the realm of a missing link. I just keep thinking about it... and I've come to the conclusion that John did this for some other reason. Not because he hated his life.. or was chronically depressed, even though that's what everyone's telling me. Knowing John... it's something we'll never know, and there's more than meets the eye. I'll never forget you John. You'll always be alive in our memories Sebastian Serrano: John, eventhough I never met you, these news have inpacted me very deeply... As a leader of Project Aqua you and I had something in common, in a sense I looked up to you for such accomplishments... Again, I am very very sad for your passing. I ask God in His mercifulness in the name of His Son Jesus Christ to show His holy mercy on you, help you, and give you a better life, wherever is it that you are now. Timothy Lehnen: John and I were good friends.. We'd only just met at the end of high school for me but we ended up being pretty close. We started a crazy, overly-ambitious video game project, we wrote songs together, we jammed, we hung out. We talked about everything, except for this. The last time I saw John was in October. I was home from college and we made sure to hang out together for a while. He came over to my mother's house and we went out for ice cream, talked for about an hour or so, caught up with each other. It was pretty late at night, I'd been really busy visiting with family and friends. I got to slow down, relax, and just hang out with him. It was great. I wish I had seen him again. I wish he had called me when he started feeling this way. I wish I could have talked him out of it. I loved him like a brother. I miss him. And I can only believe that he's somewhere better now, and happy, and one day I'll see him again. Christopher O'Neill: Well, not sure if this works yet, but here it goes. John, we were good friends when I still at Carlmont, and even though we barely talked after I graduated, I still considered you a good friend. In the last few months, I have seen you log on to AIM, but I didn't say anything, and now I regret it. I couldn't think of anything that was important enough to say, but if I had known it was my last chance to talk to you, I swear I would have said something, anything. Although I will miss you more than anyone can imagine, I am thankful for the times we spent together, and I will never forget out year in AP Comp. Sci, nor will I forget you. Fairwell, my good friend. |